I am generally a pretty happy and positive person. (My feelings about Gwyneth Paltrow, Dan Savage, and Chris Brown/Rihanna aside.) To quote a real housewife, I live a great life and I love living it. So, to recap: there's a lot of love, life, and greatness in my life. One thing that really just gets my goose is this rhetoric about North Carolina after they passed Amendment One.
Judging by my Facebook News Feed, I would have thought Amendment One would fail by an overwhelming margin because I clearly surround myself with thoughtful, progressive (if civil rights can even still be considered progressive), and smart people. I didn't see a single person post about their support for the amendment and this could very well be because I have weeded out those imbeciles like crab grass a long time ago. I felt privileged and proud to be from North Carolina. The mobilization, relentless campaigning, and fundraising efforts of my friends and fine organizations like Equality NC, Protect NC Families, and the huge coalition they assembled was unlike anything I'd ever seen in a state issue and y'all know I pay attention to that shit. North Carolina made me proud.
So, the Amendment passed. And for a good 8 hours, people expressed their disappointment in the outcome. And then, shit got real. Then, we got the fun "North Carolina is home to a bunch of inbred idiots," and "you can marry your first cousin in NC, just not your gay first cousin," and "Take that NC - Soak up the embarrassment" (actual quotes from my Facebook News Feed).
As noted earlier, my friends list was remarkably against this amendment. They worked hard to defeat it against all odds - including a voting public who the vast majority of (60%) did not even understand what the amendment would actually do. And yet - nearly 40% voted against it. Conversations were had, minds were changed, religious communities came out in affirmation and support of LGBT North Carolinians, young people got involved, and a community was brought together. Hell, my mother stole "For" yard signs out of neighbors' yards. My father donated money to the Courage Campaign for the cause. I, personally, consider that a victory.
It really pains me to see folks from North Carolina and from the rest of the country symbolically pointing and laughing at this beautiful state because whether they live or have ever stepped foot there or not - they choose to see it as a state full of ignorant rednecks.
Well, guess what? Yeah, there are lots of ignorant rednecks in North Carolina. And there are lots of ignorant rednecks in New York - it's called Long Island, people. You can also marry your first cousin in New York - not just North Carolina. You can marry your cousin in 25 states, actually. And there are lots of racists in New York. And there are lots of people who hate gay people in California. And Iowa. And I would imagine North Dakota. I've heard that there are people still shitting in outhouses in Tennessee and even in Maine.
Injustice is injustice. Suffering is suffering. You don't get to decide who has it worse because that's pointless. And you sure as shit shouldn't spend your time in some weird gloating existence that you happened to be born in a place that is generally seen as more accepting, or in a location that was lucky enough to benefit from ideal political timing for civil rights to pass, or that you were privileged enough to get your gay ass away from somewhere rather than stay and fight (myself included).
Yes, it can be incredibly difficult to be gay in the South. It can also be as fabulous as a drag queen brunch in New York City on a sunny Saturday. Some of my most cherished memories involve the relationships and friendships I created - while flamboyantly gay - in the South. Yes, they passed one of the most horrifically discriminatory amendments in recent history in North Carolina. They also put it on the Republican primary ballot for a reason - to take advantage of ignorance and apathy. North Carolina also passed the South's only LGBT-inclusive anti-bullying bill, protecting queer kids from harassment in their schools. That's a big deal.
It is perfectly acceptable to be disappointed in the uninformed voters (or "informed") voters who thought this amendment was a good idea. I even encourage it. I encourage sharing your disappointment with those who did vote "for" in a calm and collected tone. It is appropriate to tip their cows on their family farm, even. It is normal, I think, to feel so sad and so hated by those people that you'd consider leaving to go somewhere that you can feel more safe and supported. It's valid to wonder if things will ever change.
But can we please stop talking shit about "North Carolina," and direct your concerns at the appropriate 61% of people who voted "For"? It just seems more accurate, and I know that my LGBT brothers and sisters in North Carolina who fought this thing would really appreciate it. And I know it would help the rest of the nation understand that North Carolina is a lot of things - some good, some not as ideal - but that there are people with dignity, beauty, and intelligence who call that state home and who love that state. Those people deserve your respect and they deserve your appreciation for fighting against this amendment.
So, in my thickest Southern accent and with a sweetened iced tea by my side, I say: "thanks y'all. I appreciate ya."
Judging by my Facebook News Feed, I would have thought Amendment One would fail by an overwhelming margin because I clearly surround myself with thoughtful, progressive (if civil rights can even still be considered progressive), and smart people. I didn't see a single person post about their support for the amendment and this could very well be because I have weeded out those imbeciles like crab grass a long time ago. I felt privileged and proud to be from North Carolina. The mobilization, relentless campaigning, and fundraising efforts of my friends and fine organizations like Equality NC, Protect NC Families, and the huge coalition they assembled was unlike anything I'd ever seen in a state issue and y'all know I pay attention to that shit. North Carolina made me proud.
So, the Amendment passed. And for a good 8 hours, people expressed their disappointment in the outcome. And then, shit got real. Then, we got the fun "North Carolina is home to a bunch of inbred idiots," and "you can marry your first cousin in NC, just not your gay first cousin," and "Take that NC - Soak up the embarrassment" (actual quotes from my Facebook News Feed).
As noted earlier, my friends list was remarkably against this amendment. They worked hard to defeat it against all odds - including a voting public who the vast majority of (60%) did not even understand what the amendment would actually do. And yet - nearly 40% voted against it. Conversations were had, minds were changed, religious communities came out in affirmation and support of LGBT North Carolinians, young people got involved, and a community was brought together. Hell, my mother stole "For" yard signs out of neighbors' yards. My father donated money to the Courage Campaign for the cause. I, personally, consider that a victory.
It really pains me to see folks from North Carolina and from the rest of the country symbolically pointing and laughing at this beautiful state because whether they live or have ever stepped foot there or not - they choose to see it as a state full of ignorant rednecks.
Well, guess what? Yeah, there are lots of ignorant rednecks in North Carolina. And there are lots of ignorant rednecks in New York - it's called Long Island, people. You can also marry your first cousin in New York - not just North Carolina. You can marry your cousin in 25 states, actually. And there are lots of racists in New York. And there are lots of people who hate gay people in California. And Iowa. And I would imagine North Dakota. I've heard that there are people still shitting in outhouses in Tennessee and even in Maine.
Injustice is injustice. Suffering is suffering. You don't get to decide who has it worse because that's pointless. And you sure as shit shouldn't spend your time in some weird gloating existence that you happened to be born in a place that is generally seen as more accepting, or in a location that was lucky enough to benefit from ideal political timing for civil rights to pass, or that you were privileged enough to get your gay ass away from somewhere rather than stay and fight (myself included).
Yes, it can be incredibly difficult to be gay in the South. It can also be as fabulous as a drag queen brunch in New York City on a sunny Saturday. Some of my most cherished memories involve the relationships and friendships I created - while flamboyantly gay - in the South. Yes, they passed one of the most horrifically discriminatory amendments in recent history in North Carolina. They also put it on the Republican primary ballot for a reason - to take advantage of ignorance and apathy. North Carolina also passed the South's only LGBT-inclusive anti-bullying bill, protecting queer kids from harassment in their schools. That's a big deal.
It is perfectly acceptable to be disappointed in the uninformed voters (or "informed") voters who thought this amendment was a good idea. I even encourage it. I encourage sharing your disappointment with those who did vote "for" in a calm and collected tone. It is appropriate to tip their cows on their family farm, even. It is normal, I think, to feel so sad and so hated by those people that you'd consider leaving to go somewhere that you can feel more safe and supported. It's valid to wonder if things will ever change.
But can we please stop talking shit about "North Carolina," and direct your concerns at the appropriate 61% of people who voted "For"? It just seems more accurate, and I know that my LGBT brothers and sisters in North Carolina who fought this thing would really appreciate it. And I know it would help the rest of the nation understand that North Carolina is a lot of things - some good, some not as ideal - but that there are people with dignity, beauty, and intelligence who call that state home and who love that state. Those people deserve your respect and they deserve your appreciation for fighting against this amendment.
So, in my thickest Southern accent and with a sweetened iced tea by my side, I say: "thanks y'all. I appreciate ya."
What a great message, Wes. Well said! :-)
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