It seems like everybody and their celebrity mother has an opinion on Chris Brown and Rihanna. Here we are 3 years later and we're still talking about it. I get it. Opinions are like assholes - everybody's got one. But just like assholes, some opinions are better than others. So, here's mine.
First, let's take a moment to acknowledge what really happened. I strongly encourage you to read that report, especially if you are of the belief that Rihanna somehow "provoked" the attack or "deserved" it. (Also - if you are of that belief, please unfriend me or unfollow me on Twitter or Pinterest and instead, take a real pin and stick it in your eyeballs.)
Now, let's talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a funny thing and it's also one of the most important acts a human being can perform. I truly believe that. I think that there are very few things that are more freeing, consciousness-raising, and amazing as forgiving someone who has royally fucked up your life. It takes mountains of strength to forgive sometimes even the smallest of injustices.
It is also, oddly enough, seen as a sign of weakness. People who forgive are often seen as weak because they are "getting friendly" with the person who wronged them. This is wrongly construed as weak. If you're truly able to forgive someone and move beyond everything they've done to hurt you, you're making a very strong choice to work through pain and come out on the other side. That's brave, that's fucking awesome, and not enough people do it.
And with something as psychologically complex as domestic or intimate partner violence, forgiving your abuser can be extremely dangerous. That's not necessarily because the act in and of itself is wrong, but someone who physically harms their loved one(s) is extremely likely to do it again.
What Rihanna has done, for all we know, is forgiven Chris Brown and maintained a friendship with him. As I write this, she even recorded a song with him and released it on Twitter. People have opinions about it, too. People have problems with it.
I don't really have a problem with the fact that Chris Brown is enjoying an insane amount of success while, by all accounts, being an awful human being. And yes, I do believe in my heart of hearts that he is an awful poop stain in our undies that we can't get out. He's routinely proven himself to be homophobic, violent, misogynistic, and severely lacking in patience and intelligence. However, lots of awful human beings are enjoying insane amounts of success. That's just the shitshow that is American pop culture.
I don't really have a problem with the fact that Rihanna has forgiven Chris Brown, either. She's free to do so, and if she is a happy and more fulfilled person because of it, that's really amazing for her. From my nosebleed section view of her life, I'm not so sure that's what's happening, but at the end of the day I couldn't give two shits.
What I do have a problem with is the blatant denial and disregard for being a role model. Rihanna has shaken off that responsibility like a case of syphilis. Like when she said: “I used to worry about it a lot, then I realized the message I really want to send is not perfection it’s individuality. Being who you really are, knowing who you really are and being just that. There’s only one of you so just be that." Or when she said: “That’s not me. That’s a part I play. You know, like it’s a piece of art, with all these toys and textures to play with. See, people… they want me to be a role model just because of the life I lead. The things I say in my songs, they expect it of me, and [being a role model] became more of my job than I wanted it to be. But no, I just want to make music. That’s it.”
First, let's take a moment to acknowledge what really happened. I strongly encourage you to read that report, especially if you are of the belief that Rihanna somehow "provoked" the attack or "deserved" it. (Also - if you are of that belief, please unfriend me or unfollow me on Twitter or Pinterest and instead, take a real pin and stick it in your eyeballs.)
Now, let's talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a funny thing and it's also one of the most important acts a human being can perform. I truly believe that. I think that there are very few things that are more freeing, consciousness-raising, and amazing as forgiving someone who has royally fucked up your life. It takes mountains of strength to forgive sometimes even the smallest of injustices.
It is also, oddly enough, seen as a sign of weakness. People who forgive are often seen as weak because they are "getting friendly" with the person who wronged them. This is wrongly construed as weak. If you're truly able to forgive someone and move beyond everything they've done to hurt you, you're making a very strong choice to work through pain and come out on the other side. That's brave, that's fucking awesome, and not enough people do it.
And with something as psychologically complex as domestic or intimate partner violence, forgiving your abuser can be extremely dangerous. That's not necessarily because the act in and of itself is wrong, but someone who physically harms their loved one(s) is extremely likely to do it again.
What Rihanna has done, for all we know, is forgiven Chris Brown and maintained a friendship with him. As I write this, she even recorded a song with him and released it on Twitter. People have opinions about it, too. People have problems with it.
I don't really have a problem with the fact that Chris Brown is enjoying an insane amount of success while, by all accounts, being an awful human being. And yes, I do believe in my heart of hearts that he is an awful poop stain in our undies that we can't get out. He's routinely proven himself to be homophobic, violent, misogynistic, and severely lacking in patience and intelligence. However, lots of awful human beings are enjoying insane amounts of success. That's just the shitshow that is American pop culture.
I don't really have a problem with the fact that Rihanna has forgiven Chris Brown, either. She's free to do so, and if she is a happy and more fulfilled person because of it, that's really amazing for her. From my nosebleed section view of her life, I'm not so sure that's what's happening, but at the end of the day I couldn't give two shits.
What I do have a problem with is the blatant denial and disregard for being a role model. Rihanna has shaken off that responsibility like a case of syphilis. Like when she said: “I used to worry about it a lot, then I realized the message I really want to send is not perfection it’s individuality. Being who you really are, knowing who you really are and being just that. There’s only one of you so just be that." Or when she said: “That’s not me. That’s a part I play. You know, like it’s a piece of art, with all these toys and textures to play with. See, people… they want me to be a role model just because of the life I lead. The things I say in my songs, they expect it of me, and [being a role model] became more of my job than I wanted it to be. But no, I just want to make music. That’s it.”
Let's not stop with her. I'm so not into victim-blaming this year. Chris Brown should be a role model too, but I mean let's just call a spade a spade: that's never going to fucking happen. Chris Brown is as dumb as a turnip. So, for the purposes of this conversation I'm having with myself I am, like the media, going to mostly focus on and judge the woman in this situation.
Anyone who decides to immaturely shirk the responsibility of being a role model is, quite frankly, kind of an asshole. I don't mean to "should" on you, but we should all be dying for the chance to be someone that people look up to because we should all want to be good people. When you are a good person, other people look at you and second-guess the things they do that aren't so good and think "man, I want to be more like her." More than the social implications and positive effect it has, you are also probably going to feel better, look better, and act better because you... I don't know? GIVE A SHIT.
I'm not saying Rihanna is a bad person for forgiving Chris Brown or putting him on her new record or for any of that. This is, actually, unrelated. I am saying that Rihanna is kind of a douche for being irresponsible. For deciding, suddenly, that she doesn't want to be a role model (just like the long list of "bad girls" and "bad boys" before her who have said the exact same thing - Hey Britney!).
When you say on a massively huge talk show that for better or for worse, you should just "do you," you're being irresponsible. Because you're really forgetting a key part of that whole "being an individual" statement you're making: Yes, sure. Go ahead. You just do you, just don't be a total asshole and hurt other people. That's one of the reasons why I detest the mind-numbingly awful "you do you" retort. It's oversimplifying everything. "Just live your life," or "I'll do me, you do you," are actually really selfish things to say. Those statements actually don't even begin to take into account how "just living your life" affects other people. And that's my main gripe. We could take these two out of the equation and I'd still have an issue with anyone who uses that tired mantra as an excuse to behave badly or not concern themselves with the feelings or thoughts of others. To be honest, I'd much rather have Madonna lighting up a football field with "world peace," or even Lady Gaga telling kids to love one another (even though it's totally cool for them to attack other pop singers).
Let's face it: when you chose a career in the public sphere like oh say, a megasuperstar pop singer you better believe that people are going to look up to you. You have that little thing called fucking gigantic enormous power. Power that is literally capable of shifting the culture and conversation in a direction that you - one person - want it to go. Can you imagine anything so awesome (and terrifying)? You don't have to be a weatherman to stand around and see the weather. And you don't have to be a genius to know that when you have power you have responsibility.
So when you just decide one day that you're tired of being judged and dissected by the public continuously as you're doing your best to live your life and be a good person, follow through with that thought. Delete your Twitter. Stop giving interviews. Don't think that you can just suddenly say "Nope, done being a role model. Don't pay attention to me and my choices anymore," when all you truly desire in life is for people to pay attention to you.
Chris Brown is an asshole for being an asshole and not ever even trying to be a good role model.
Rihanna is an asshole for deciding that it's not her responsibility to be a person who takes responsibility for how her actions affect others and thinking that we're stupid enough to not see that.
Now, where can I buy this new song of theirs?
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