I was enjoying some happy hour beverages with my friends Kelli and Brigdet yesterday and I sat, as I usually do, mostly connected to our conversation on whatever the hell it was we were talking about. I can't be too sure. I wasn't fully connected because I so rarely am these days. My head is almost always partially somewhere else - if I should text this boy I like, wondering what Lady Gaga will do next and if I'll hate it, who the hell [was] going to win RuPaul's Drag Race, why I'm so poor, or what I'm missing out on on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or if I'm wearing underwear. Actually, I am pretty sure I considered all of those things in the midst of our conversation yesterday.
Knowing that there was really no reason to discuss the majority of those topics with this particular set of friends, I asked if they thought I should text him. Let me clue you in first, though.
I've been on a few dates with this guy I really like. The dates have been getting increasingly more interesting and personal. And most importantly: he bears a striking resemblance to Ryan Gosling. (Side note: I reluctantly accepted Ryan Gosling's dreamboat status recently after watching him murder a few people in Drive - I am the king of reluctant acceptance, at this point.) I was telling the ladies about the dates, how things have been progressing, and then how things seemed to have dropped off when he went away to Coachella last weekend. I just never heard from him again. For all I know, he could have run off with Tupac's hologram. Or drowned in a mud puddle. Or taken so many drugs his head exploded. The options are as limitless as hologram technology.
And while I hate to admit it - he could also be just not that into me. Hard to believe, I know, but it has been known to happen before. Perhaps he went off to Coachella and found love in a hopeless place. At any rate, my main issue was (as it so often is): when do I just need to not? When do you stop trying with someone? And how do you not look like a fool in trying to figure all that out?
Bridget, on the cusp of completing grad school for her MSW, was asking the perfect set of questions to get a better understanding of what the actual fuck was going on here. Then came the question: "Well, could you just call him?"
Existing in the world at the age of 26, I am aware that communication patterns have changed. I explained to her that I wasn't sure I had ever actually called him on the phone. (Turns out, I hadn't.) We had no problem communicating verbally while in person, but calling him might be a little jarring, right? Right? No? Yes? Did it indicate that I was taking things more seriously? Someone validate me, for the love of all that is holy!
Bridget and Kelli both rightfully expressed that speaking to someone can be a lot more freeing because there's less left up to interpretation and it's easier to revise one's thoughts. Connotation and tone is, you know, the whole beauty of speaking. It can easily get and often is lost via text. Also, speaking on the phone isn't as finite as a text can be. Words have the ability to live forever on that smartphone screen, unless you're like me and accidentally delete entire conversations on the regular.
We got into a really awesome discussion for a communication nerd like myself. Our generation is in a really unique - and I'm just gonna say it - shitty position. We're the In-Betweeners (©2012 - Wes). We didn't grow up with all of this technology like younger generations have. Instead, we are a really special set of people who grew up speaking on phones and then came of age while this new form of communicating became the norm. This all kind of happened at that point in our lives when we were/are figuring out who we are and how we exist in intimate relationships with other people. It's almost like it's all been timed perfectly to coincide with the introduction of new technology.
And I, for one, struggle with this. It's bad enough that my insane anxiety makes me constantly question the appropriateness of what to say, when to stick my neck out there, and when to let things go - now I have to question if texting is ideal or if speaking on the phone is better. Begrudgingly, I almost always opt for the text, because of that very anxiety. Phone calls seem to have taken on a more serious meaning, so if I were to call for a third or fourth date, it could very well come off as a very serious intent for marriage or permanent courtship.
Once we get past that initial stage of dating someone and move into something more serious - this navigation hopefully becomes easier: we can say, safely and comfortably, if we prefer to talk on the phone or text, and we have enough of an understanding of our partner that we're able to understand the subtext of a text more easily. Though as anyone who's been in a relationship in the 21st century knows, even that can still be a shitshow and the catalyst for many an argument based in miscommunication and misunderstanding.
I won't even bother to delve into the nuances of texting or call communication (i.e. how long it takes someone to return one, if you should immediately dump someone who doesn't know the difference between your/you're, people who use "lol" as a punctuation mark rather than an actual expression, etc.) because I simply cannot and will not with that mess.
What I will say is that if history has taught us anything, it's that you really can't but help to give into technology. If you don't, you will end up a Republican. If texting is where we're heading, then it's where we're heading and there's nothing we can do to stop it. Just know that in a few years that phone calls will be ironically introduced back into the culture by a subcommunity of really fucking cool people who want to bring back vintage phone conversations, ironically. Did I mention that it would be ironic?
While I am not one to shame new technology or trends - I am hip to it, as the kids say - I will say it's still frustrating when there is clearly an easier way of doing something. If I had just picked up the phone when I first had the inkling, I could have gotten a quick answer as to what was going to happen with this guy much sooner than the anxiety-driven week of "should I/shouldn't I; will he/won't he" that has driven me to consider therapy. I couldn't bring myself to do it, though. I have to try to stay with the times, and people who speak on the phone to potential romantic partners are clearly unaware of current social communicative trends, right? Right? Right, guys?
So, I texted him. He texted back. I asked him if he'd want to hang out again and then nothing. Wah wah. So, here I am writing a blog about it and listening to the only person in the world who truly gets me: Britney.
Author's note: Girls can thank me for this entry, which will no doubt serve as a basis for a future episode.
Knowing that there was really no reason to discuss the majority of those topics with this particular set of friends, I asked if they thought I should text him. Let me clue you in first, though.
I've been on a few dates with this guy I really like. The dates have been getting increasingly more interesting and personal. And most importantly: he bears a striking resemblance to Ryan Gosling. (Side note: I reluctantly accepted Ryan Gosling's dreamboat status recently after watching him murder a few people in Drive - I am the king of reluctant acceptance, at this point.) I was telling the ladies about the dates, how things have been progressing, and then how things seemed to have dropped off when he went away to Coachella last weekend. I just never heard from him again. For all I know, he could have run off with Tupac's hologram. Or drowned in a mud puddle. Or taken so many drugs his head exploded. The options are as limitless as hologram technology.
And while I hate to admit it - he could also be just not that into me. Hard to believe, I know, but it has been known to happen before. Perhaps he went off to Coachella and found love in a hopeless place. At any rate, my main issue was (as it so often is): when do I just need to not? When do you stop trying with someone? And how do you not look like a fool in trying to figure all that out?
Bridget, on the cusp of completing grad school for her MSW, was asking the perfect set of questions to get a better understanding of what the actual fuck was going on here. Then came the question: "Well, could you just call him?"
Existing in the world at the age of 26, I am aware that communication patterns have changed. I explained to her that I wasn't sure I had ever actually called him on the phone. (Turns out, I hadn't.) We had no problem communicating verbally while in person, but calling him might be a little jarring, right? Right? No? Yes? Did it indicate that I was taking things more seriously? Someone validate me, for the love of all that is holy!
Bridget and Kelli both rightfully expressed that speaking to someone can be a lot more freeing because there's less left up to interpretation and it's easier to revise one's thoughts. Connotation and tone is, you know, the whole beauty of speaking. It can easily get and often is lost via text. Also, speaking on the phone isn't as finite as a text can be. Words have the ability to live forever on that smartphone screen, unless you're like me and accidentally delete entire conversations on the regular.
We got into a really awesome discussion for a communication nerd like myself. Our generation is in a really unique - and I'm just gonna say it - shitty position. We're the In-Betweeners (©2012 - Wes). We didn't grow up with all of this technology like younger generations have. Instead, we are a really special set of people who grew up speaking on phones and then came of age while this new form of communicating became the norm. This all kind of happened at that point in our lives when we were/are figuring out who we are and how we exist in intimate relationships with other people. It's almost like it's all been timed perfectly to coincide with the introduction of new technology.
And I, for one, struggle with this. It's bad enough that my insane anxiety makes me constantly question the appropriateness of what to say, when to stick my neck out there, and when to let things go - now I have to question if texting is ideal or if speaking on the phone is better. Begrudgingly, I almost always opt for the text, because of that very anxiety. Phone calls seem to have taken on a more serious meaning, so if I were to call for a third or fourth date, it could very well come off as a very serious intent for marriage or permanent courtship.
Once we get past that initial stage of dating someone and move into something more serious - this navigation hopefully becomes easier: we can say, safely and comfortably, if we prefer to talk on the phone or text, and we have enough of an understanding of our partner that we're able to understand the subtext of a text more easily. Though as anyone who's been in a relationship in the 21st century knows, even that can still be a shitshow and the catalyst for many an argument based in miscommunication and misunderstanding.
I won't even bother to delve into the nuances of texting or call communication (i.e. how long it takes someone to return one, if you should immediately dump someone who doesn't know the difference between your/you're, people who use "lol" as a punctuation mark rather than an actual expression, etc.) because I simply cannot and will not with that mess.
What I will say is that if history has taught us anything, it's that you really can't but help to give into technology. If you don't, you will end up a Republican. If texting is where we're heading, then it's where we're heading and there's nothing we can do to stop it. Just know that in a few years that phone calls will be ironically introduced back into the culture by a subcommunity of really fucking cool people who want to bring back vintage phone conversations, ironically. Did I mention that it would be ironic?
While I am not one to shame new technology or trends - I am hip to it, as the kids say - I will say it's still frustrating when there is clearly an easier way of doing something. If I had just picked up the phone when I first had the inkling, I could have gotten a quick answer as to what was going to happen with this guy much sooner than the anxiety-driven week of "should I/shouldn't I; will he/won't he" that has driven me to consider therapy. I couldn't bring myself to do it, though. I have to try to stay with the times, and people who speak on the phone to potential romantic partners are clearly unaware of current social communicative trends, right? Right? Right, guys?
So, I texted him. He texted back. I asked him if he'd want to hang out again and then nothing. Wah wah. So, here I am writing a blog about it and listening to the only person in the world who truly gets me: Britney.
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