"I really liked that movie Ma Vie en Rose," says the puppy.
"Yesbut it's subtitled," says the cat.
Or:
"I'm super pissed off at how I don't have any rights yet as a gay," says the Wes.
"Yesbut we've come a long way," says the Everyone.
This is my (least) favorite yesbut and I hear it all the time. And every single time I hear it, my eyes bug out and I pop a blood vessel.
First of all, and I think I've probably preached on this pulpit before about this, when you connect two thoughts with a "but," chances are very likely the first thought gets forgotten and the second thought becomes the big, huge thing a person can't forget if they tried. Like when someone says "I love you, but you're hair is on fire." In that case, if the hair is literally on fire, then it's probably good, because we want the person to pay attention to their hair being on fire and we want them to take care of that.
And if it's something more important than hair on fire, like maybe "I think you're really great, but I don't want to spend my life with you anymore," then the whole "really great" part really gets lost in your message. I fall victim to it all the time - we all do. I say "but" like it's my weekend job I use to pay off credit card debt. But, (see what I did there?) if it's so important that when you're breaking up with someone that you need to iterate how awesome you think they are, then: 1) Why are you breaking up with them if they're so awesome; 2) Connect the two thoughts with an "and" and be prepared to explain why them being so awesome isn't good enough.
This whole yesbut thing is kinda new, though. It's a simple, quick, meaningless acknowledgment of your statement followed by a contradiction of that statement. If you're agreeing with me, why are you contradicting me seconds later?
If it really sucks that GLBT people don't have rights, then it really sucks that GLBT people don't have rights. Period, kapeesh, end of story, we can pretty much all agree on that. There's just no consolation for that as of right now. If you try to mitigate the pain of that reality, then you kinda just look like a douche who clearly doesn't realize how truly frustrating it is to be treated as a second-class citizen.
"Yesbut look at all the things GLBT people are doing now that was never socially acceptable before!" I don't really care so much how many GLBT people are shown on TV (and the stereotypes they reinforce), I don't really care that GLBT people are out more now than ever (even though that's cool). My statement wasn't about anything else other than the simple, ridiculous fact that a person could still legally get fired from their job for being GLBT, or that GLB folks can't get married, or that one could get dismissed from the military for being GLBT.
"Yesbut, they're working on that and an end to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is in sight!!" Followed by an earnest smile.
Yesbut, it's not done yet. Followed by the sad trombone.
First of all, and I think I've probably preached on this pulpit before about this, when you connect two thoughts with a "but," chances are very likely the first thought gets forgotten and the second thought becomes the big, huge thing a person can't forget if they tried. Like when someone says "I love you, but you're hair is on fire." In that case, if the hair is literally on fire, then it's probably good, because we want the person to pay attention to their hair being on fire and we want them to take care of that.
And if it's something more important than hair on fire, like maybe "I think you're really great, but I don't want to spend my life with you anymore," then the whole "really great" part really gets lost in your message. I fall victim to it all the time - we all do. I say "but" like it's my weekend job I use to pay off credit card debt. But, (see what I did there?) if it's so important that when you're breaking up with someone that you need to iterate how awesome you think they are, then: 1) Why are you breaking up with them if they're so awesome; 2) Connect the two thoughts with an "and" and be prepared to explain why them being so awesome isn't good enough.
This whole yesbut thing is kinda new, though. It's a simple, quick, meaningless acknowledgment of your statement followed by a contradiction of that statement. If you're agreeing with me, why are you contradicting me seconds later?
If it really sucks that GLBT people don't have rights, then it really sucks that GLBT people don't have rights. Period, kapeesh, end of story, we can pretty much all agree on that. There's just no consolation for that as of right now. If you try to mitigate the pain of that reality, then you kinda just look like a douche who clearly doesn't realize how truly frustrating it is to be treated as a second-class citizen.
"Yesbut look at all the things GLBT people are doing now that was never socially acceptable before!" I don't really care so much how many GLBT people are shown on TV (and the stereotypes they reinforce), I don't really care that GLBT people are out more now than ever (even though that's cool). My statement wasn't about anything else other than the simple, ridiculous fact that a person could still legally get fired from their job for being GLBT, or that GLB folks can't get married, or that one could get dismissed from the military for being GLBT.
"Yesbut, they're working on that and an end to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is in sight!!" Followed by an earnest smile.
Yesbut, it's not done yet. Followed by the sad trombone.
Yesbut... I totally get where your coming from, but for me remembering how far we have come despite the odds is what gives me the strength to keep fighting for full equality. Do we deserve it now? Of course. But when you spend 60+ hours a week trying to get there, acknowledging the progress we are making is necessary to keep despair from setting in.
ReplyDelete