Well, let me just tell you.
- No discernable talent. I have listened to her songs. I have tried to like her. Trust and believe, I do not want to miss the pop culture boat. I want to be on top of things. I want to be able to reference shit. I hated that song "Right Round," by Flo Rida. I hated it before I even knew that was Ke$ha singing the chorus. That voice, if we can call it that, sounds like someone recorded a cat getting stuck in a garbage disposal crying for help, AutoTuned that mess, formed words about drinking, and made an album about it. I will not apologize for that violent imagery, because that's what my brain assaults me with every time I hear "Tik Tok."
- Dr. Luke. Dr. Luke is her producer, and I am so. over. this. producer. It's like he finds one bratty, catty, youthful sounding female singer, wears her out, then moves on to the next. Avril Lavigne, then Katy Perry, then Ke$ha. Maybe I should stop hating and just say that me and Ke$ha are at different points in our lives. Even though she's older than me, she's still stuck in that middle school/high school phase. I feel like Dr. Luke makes music for children who are pretending to be adults. And then those children stay child-like through much of their adult life.
- This quote from The Advocate, (who should have called her out on it):
- While drag queens do fall under the umbrella term that is transgender - they, by no means, define or represent the trans communities. And her complete ignorance of that is fine, if she were to state that she is completely ignorant as most Americans are. But her fucking audacity to suggest that she considers being transgender "committing their whole entire lifestyle to being such a fantastic woman" is insulting. What about transmen? What about transwomen, who aren't committing themselves to a lifestyle so much as aligning their gender expression with what they feel on the inside? GAH!
- Catchy is not necessarily Good. Ke$ha is catchy. She's catchy as hell. But why is it that when her songs get stuck in my head, I'm always singing them in the voice of a 12 year-old girl screeching at the top of her lungs? Just because you can write a hook, or you can hire a producer who is the fucking master at writing hooks, doesn't mean you have a good song. It just means you have a hit song. And if the Black Eyed Peas show us anything, it's that just because you write catchy pop music does not mean you're writing good pop music.
- Feminism. Ke$ha claims to be a feminist because she objectifies boys the same way they've objectified women for so long. Okay. Whatever. If we're talking feminism in the most literal of terms, yes, that's great that now you can be equal on that playing field. But guys who objectify women are douches. And girls who objectify men... are also douches. Just because you do what that guys do doesn't make you a hero - especially if it's something as stupid and negative as objectification.
- Reactive, not proactive. Ke$ha reminds me of the girls in my high school, who would do things that got on people's nerves, or got people talking, and then would craft clever stories as to why they did them, making themselves look better and smarter in the process. It's the whole, girl rips her jeans on the way to school, people make fun of her in 1st period, then by 2nd period, she's saying "OMG, it's a fashion statement, don't you get it." The thought is clearly put in after the fact, not before the fact.
- GaGa. Yes, my love for Gaga has something to do with my distaste for Ke$ha. Gaga has elevated the pop music scene, and there's really no denying that. Expanding on my previous point, Gaga is proactive. It's clear she thinks hard (sometimes too hard) about the look she's going to project, the videos she's going to release, the performances she's going to put on. Everything she does is planned to a T. To put it simply, I have so much respect for that work ethic, that blatant ambitiousness, and the energy it takes to constantly try to top yourself. I never feel like Gaga is trying to top anyone else - just what she's done. And she's never had to talk shit about her fellow female singers, like Ke$ha did about Britney. Ke$ha tries to be an attention whore like Gaga, like the time when she "defaced" the Hollywood sign and released a video on YouTube that made it look like she actually did it. In fact, it was all just a hoax and she still maintains that she actually did it.
- Performing. I've watched her perform and it's the same exact performance no matter where she is. I respect that she's not trying to be someone she's not (pssssh) but, come on. Gaga is out there. Hell, Pink is out there. Fuck, Beyonce is out there! You're going to have to try harder than doing the robot to impress me.
- Ke$ha. After writing this entry, I hate her even more. Because every time I write her gimmicky name, I have to press Shift + 4 in the middle of it to include that fucking dollar sign.
KeSha, you've got your $$$ now. Will you stop pestering me with your music?
Or, since that's probably not a legitimate possibility until she goes cray cray and shaves her head and flashes her Ke$ha, should I say: gays, you've got your full-on explanation now. Will you please stop pestering me to like her?
Thank you and goodnight. Now, if you'll excuse me while I brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack. Because there's nothing like glass on my teeth to get that plaque away and fight gingivitis.
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