gimme a w!

This building was made for me.

I stole this idea from my favorite drag queen of all-time, and by far one of the smartest and funniest people I've ever seen, Jackie Beat. Read hers here. Below is a list of 10 things that I love and/or have to do with me, starting with the letter of my first name. That letter, in case you are as dumb as a box of hair, is W.

1. West Side Story. I'm not the traditional gay in the sense that I don't cream my 2(x)ist panties for most musicals. I saw Wicked and was like "huh?" I don't buy Original Cast Recordings. Les Mis is a mood, not a musical to me. But West Side Story is my jumpoff. I have a super ridiculous soft spot for dark-haired tragic female figures so you can imagine how I feel about Natalie Wood. (Christopher Walken and Roger Moore are murderers!) I think it goes without saying that I could never join a gang, but if the gang were a dancing, singing gang, things would surely be different. I'd do a drive-by followed by a jig and call it a day. I love the music, the Romeo and Juliet romance, the design (as a kid, I was obsessed with the preppiness and optimism of the 50s and early 60s), and, of course, Natalie Wood.

2. Writing. This one shouldn't really even be included, but it's damn hard to think of things I like that start with "W." I actually hate most of the things I write, especially when I revisit it later. It is a constant struggle for me to not erase or throw away what I write after I've gotten it out. A more appropriately named item would be "What People Say About My Writing." I'm not very confident in my writing in the sense that I don't believe people when they say nice things about it. But I do know how refreshing it can be to read what someone else has expressed and know it intimately, and one of my favorite things about writing is when my friends say that they had felt alone and finally found someone else who thought and felt the same things. I crave feedback, but I also crave being really, really real in what I write, which is why it's sometimes hard to be honest and write what I really feel when I am talking about people in my life. I just hope the people who I write about understand that it's a moment in time and the act of writing usually helps me figure things out, so it's usually going to benefit them in the long run. Does that make sense? See, I want to delete this already.

3. Weekends in New York. I feel like the weekend is the only time I get to truly explore New York. I used to live for Friday and Saturday nights at Bartini and Sugarland with my winggay (see below) John. Bottomless mimosa brunches, wandering around aimlessly, going to the movies for popcorn and Coke (never the movie), the Union Square Farmer's Market, checking out the latest exhibits at my favorite museums, shopping in SoHo which is always a fucking disaster area and I always remind myself not to go and I never learn, laying in the sun and reading in Prospect Park, gallery hopping, walking the High Line, and of course, day drinking.

Amy Sedaris, one of my
favorite weirdos.

4. Weirdos. I LIVE FOR WEIRD PEOPLE. I love people who are damaged, strange, neurotic, mentally insane, addicted, without legs, lazy-eyed, speech-impedimented, etc. I'm weird, so I am one of my favorite things. I guess that's cool cause it's important to love yourself. I truly think everyone is deeply weird. But that's scary for people, so they try to be normal. "Normal" people are too busy trying to be normal and fit some bullshit idea of how to be so they're not allowing themselves to actually be weird. I guess I just really dislike people who try to fit a mold or downplay their idiosyncrasies because they're scared of what other people will think. Granted, we all do this to some degree, but I think the people I connect with the most and love the most are the ones who are disturbingly weird and too weird to care about hiding said weirdness. Weird, right?

5. Weiners. Also known as cock, which is a much sexier word than weiners. I still feel weird (see above) admitting it sometimes due to the deep-rooted oppression of growing up gay in a heterosexist society, but who really cares? I love weiners.

Stupid ho.

6. "What You Waiting For?" by Gwen Stefani. No other song in this entire world gets me going quite the way this jam does. I still remember vividly my freshman year of college when I was anxiously awaiting Gwen's solo effort to drop. When I heard this song, it was unlike anything on the radio or in the mainstream. I love this song because cool kids, nerds, Top 40 lovers, and everyone in between pretty much can and does get behind this song whenever it comes on and dancing is involved. I love that about it. And, if I'm wallowing, which I've had my fair share of recently, it's my cure. At least for 10 minutes. Truly no pep talk from a BFF, no chew-out from Dad, and no screaming personal trainer can snap me out of it as quick as Gwen commanding me to "take a chance, you stupid ho."

7. Winter. Not only is this an excellent song by Tori Amos, it's also an excellent time of year. Besides the clear things like Christmas, and cuddling with a cutie in the cold (that was alliteration), I'm a big fan of being challenged and winter continually challenges me. Bad things tend to happen to me during winter, so I always come out of it a changed person and hopefully, a better person. I can think back to the past 5 winters and identify really shitty times in my life. I can also think back to the past 5 years and see how much I've grown as a result of facing those times, all in the dead cold of winter. The struggles are there all season long: to get out of bed and face the 19 degree temperature, to find things to do that don't involve freezing your tail off, which scarf to wear, and things of that nature. So, you do kind of suck, Winter. But when you bring the snow, while it can be the most annoying and challenging thing in the world at the time (try shoveling your pick up truck out of snow...and not being able to do it for 3 days. 3 days.), that snow is also really beautiful in a certain way. And I end up feeling so much better when it melts away.

8. "Why?" I'm not someone who just wants to know the "why," I'm actually someone who needs to know the "why." It is an essential part of me doing anything, because if there's not a motivation (I'm still a theatre student at heart), I don't see the point in actually doing it. It doesn't have to be a necessarily good reason, but it just helps me make sense of things. In all honesty and in a much deeper sense, when I started asking myself "why," my life became meaningful. Imagine that! I lost the chaos. Instead of life being a series of random events and things just happening to me, I began to acknowledge that I had a place in making things happen. And when I started asking why I did things, I became aware. It sounds so simple, but I also see people every day of my life who are just constantly fighting with the world and themselves rather than trying to understand why things are the way they are.

9. Watching People. See "Weirdos," above. Apply watching. Presto. Besides the weirdos, I also just love to scope people out and imagine where they are coming from, where they're going, and what they've been through. It's good for hours upon hours of entertainment. For a weird person... like me.

With Mike, my longest-running winggay.

10. Winggays. For a long time, I didn't have gay friends. It was strange - it felt like every time I was out in gay spaces everyone was on the lookout and it wasn't for friendship. I had mountains of lady friends who would graciously accompany me on nights out to gay bars, vacations, and to my more... faggy concerts (Madonna?). Bless them for their sacrifices. No one should have to see a man with a mullet, a cutoff Miami Dolphins jersey, jorts, tube socks and 90s high tops with a belly-button ring. NO ONE, especially not an unsuspecting 18-year old accompanying her gay friend on his first trip to a gay bar. Something changed along the way, though, and I'm really glad it did. Moving to New York certainly helped me realize that there were so many of us out there, some of whom didn't fit every single stereotype (which I believe to be a defense mechanism for small-town gays - but that's for another entry). It also took the pressure off of trying to fit any certain way of being. I have friends who are masculine, friends who are feminine, and friends who are in between and I love them all because we're all part of a family. I got all my sisters with me. On the real, it's rewarding and comforting to meet other guys who can relate on that gender binary level with me. Now if I could just get them to play kickball or football with me... Faggots.