live blogging american idol

I don't watch American Idol. I think it's absolutely horrible. And I cannot stand Ryan Seacrest. But my love, Lady GaGa is on tonight and I have to support her, through good times and bad. This is one of the bad. So, I decided to make the best out of a shitty situation and do my first ever live blog!

• Great way to start the show - a close up of the horrible make up and skin of Adam. He looks like a cross of Pete Wentz and Perez Hilton.
• Paula Abdul is still alive? She hasn't overdosed on pills yet? Did they bring in that new judge just in case Paula dies or passes out halfway through the show?
  
• "Don't Stop Believing." They're totally lip-synching. That blonde girl with the sleeve tats is really having trouble making love to the camera. She's faking it.
• Scott. The 80's called...they want their hair back.
  
• Anoop is only on here because of Slumdog Millionaire. He's riding that Indian wave of success all the way to Ryan Seacrest's ass hole.
• First of what is sure to be a long line of "elimination" bullshit tricks that Ryan Seacrest loves to do. Did I mention I hate Ryan Seacrest? Not to get all Perez Hilton here, but he's totally gay and I'd love to out him.
• Oooh, CPI Security has a sassy black lady for your alarm system to say "CPI Security - Identify YOself!"
• I heard this guy (David Cook? Archuleta? Which is it?)'s brother is dying. Perfect time to come on American Idol if you ask me.
• Come on. Lady GaGa already. I wonder what she's performing.
• How did they make him look semi-attractive for his album cover? Photoshop can't be that miraculous.
• Honestly, I kind of prefer CBS's I Get That A Lot to this.
• Oooh! An elimination! ...Or a commercial. You never know with this show.
• Kris with a K. No way he'll win. No way will there be an American Idol named Kris.
• WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT GIRL JUST DO!?
• My roommate: "Oh my God, what is that girl doing!? What the fuck!?" Me: "OMG I have to blog."
• This girl sang "Don't Speak"?! Oh, God. Poor No Doubt.
• I can't decide which is worse: all of VH1's shows, or American Idol...
• I can't turn off italics.
• Why can't I? Someone help.
• The guy with the 80's hair...Seriously? Scott. That's his name. Okay. Scott. Let's talk about how scary you are. Why are you so awkward? Why do you need help with simple movements? Do you know how to sit?
• YAY! Italics is off!
• YAY! LADY GAGA coming up!
• Commercials, honestly, make American Idol watchable.
• Neil McNeil. That's our local news anchor's name. Neil. Mc. Neil.
• Padma making eating a disgusting Hardee's burger look sexy. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but she pulls it off.
• GAGA!
• Yes! The Cabaret version of "Poker Face!"
• Loving the outfit. SHOW HIM WHAT YOU GOT, GIRL!
• Sorry, but Britney could really learn a thing (or 15) from this fierce, fabulous, fun, fearless female.
• Ma ma ma maw.
• BEST USE OF STRINGS IN A SONG, EVER!!!
• Seriously, I used to call my little brother "zipper eyes" cause his eyes are so small. And there she goes, with a zipper eye.
• She is such a rock star. She rocked out. She is the perfect mixture of rock, pop, soul, and ferocity.
  
• "Cool, huh" Says Seacrest. Umm...try "Fucking FANTASTIC!"
• If you missed the most incredible performance American Idol has ever seen, I will YouTube it and include it in this post the SECOND it gets online.
• Thank you, American Idol, for being so rich with material and making my first live-blogging venture just too easy.
• Megan...go home. DAYUM, Simon just told you!
  
• Okay, so I just found out that Scott's blind. Which explains the awkwardness. Doesn't explain the haircut. Unless his hair stylist was also blind.
• Megan must be blind too, because apparently she's never looked at herself in the mirror when she dances.
• Paula Abdul just said a complete sentence! Without slurring?
• Okay, done. That was fun. And exhausting. Thank God, again, for Lady GaGa for making life worth living.