frenemies

Note: The following blog was originally posted on my Facebook page. Lame, right? Well, I've upgraded and gotten a Blogger so, hush. In keeping with this week's unintended theme of magazines, I decided to post this essay I wrote on the concept of enemies in the media.

I've always been perplexed at why the media feels the need to dumb down complex issues like this. There seems to be this belief that in order to reach the most people, your message should be watered down. As I've said before, I just think that's insulting to us. This is another one of those times. The gay community, as a whole, was up in arms about Obama picking the is-he-or-isn't-he a bigot, megachurch pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation at the inauguration. They hated the fact that Obama was supposed to be an LGBT-inclusive president already alienating LGBTs the day he took office. I'm not so sure...

If you're gay, and you read magazines, (and even if you don't), chances are you've heard of The Advocate. It's a magazine, mostly focused on news pertaining to gay or queer people in America, with some bits of style, entertainment, popular culture and travel mixed in.

It also, very often, points out "friends" and "enemies." Once an actor has made a gay-friendly film, they're pretty much a "friend." If an actor, or any public person, is associated (usually by six degrees of separation) with anything anti-gay, they become an "enemy." Granted, the magazine rarely uses these explicit terms of "friend" or "enemy" to describe people, but the coverage is pretty much self-explanatory. As in, if you're reading an article and you can't tell if someone is gay, an ally, or a hater (the only options), you're an idiot. It's like there will be a picture of George W. Bush - by the way, pretty much a hater - and the caption will say "George W. Bush, supporter of federal amendment of anti-gay marriage laws and hater of gays everywhere."

What's more interesting is that these polarizing labels are always free to change. One minute, Barack Obama is an enemy to the gays because he doesn't support same-sex "marriage" (which, as we all know, he just doesn't support the term) to the next minute, he's our next great hero. And then he decides to let Rick Warren speak at his inauguration, and suddenly, he's broken all promises to the gay community and we have everything to fear.

It's not just The Advocate... it's also friends of mine, it's other magazines, it's gossip blogs, it's everywhere. And it's not just about gays. It's if a self-professed vegetarian is caught speaking to someone wearing fur, it's over. Snap off yo fake nails, call PETA, cyalaterBYE.

Recently, Sean Penn came under fire from several gay-rights groups because he admires or has met with leaders who have anti-gay policies, such as Hugo Chavez. OMG, but Sean Penn was in Milk! He's supposed to be our hero! He can't associate with those people!

Or can he?

Barack Obama and Rick Warren. Rick Warren doesn't support marriage equality, and he's a fairly conservative religious Christian who wrote the like best-selling book ever, The Purpose Driven Life. I think it sold more than the Bible. And I'm not even making that up; just too lazy to fact check it. So, when Obama decided to associate himself with Rick Warren, the gays were PISSED. It was as if Rick Warren had convinced Obama to murder us gays, never allow the remaining ones to get married or be seen in public, and had a parade about it. The gays were really mad. We don't negotiate with terrorists.

Then, a la Carrie Bradshaw, I couldn't help but wonder if these gays were living in a land where their respect and acceptance has already been granted. Or, if, like me, they're still meeting some people, who, like Rick Warren and Hugo Chavez, have a little bit of growing to do in the whole acceptance and equality-for-all department. I encounter people all the time who aren't even remotely on the same wavelength as me, whether it be how we feel about eggs (hate 'em), Gwen Stefani (love her), or sweatpants (mixed feelings). I enjoy meeting those people. Those people have much to offer me, because they don't see things the way I do. I can learn from them. They can learn from me. Maybe, if they're cute, I'd even make out with them. Or - what's more - we can talk to each other. And the more we talk to each other, the more ideas we both share. We may never end up agreeing that eggs are the worst thing known to man and chickens alike, but we have both pushed our brains a bit more open than they once were.

I just wonder if those who got so upset about the Obama/Warren incident, or the ones who got upset when the Gay-Straight Alliance and Young Republicans decided to do a joint Christmas Party, or whatever the non-issue, considered the alternative. If they haven't considered the alternative, well, I've conveniently considered the alternatives for them:

1. These two people with differences in thought could never meet.
= These two people never meet someone new.
- Because we're all different.
= These two people would never feel the pleasure of making a new friend.
- Which only happens when people meet, in some form.

2. These two people could meet, but never speak.
= These two people never get to share ideas.
- Because they can't speak to each other.
= These two people never even allow for the possibility of changing the other's mind.
- Because if they can't speak, there's no possibility for improvement.
- Also known as: enslavement. Enslavement of one's own mind with everything locked away, neatly defined in the way they've chosen to define it, without anyone ever tampering with it.

There is a fear, with some gay people, that "negotiating with the other side" (sounds Bushy, to me) may cause their "friend" to make shady deals, or change their gay-friendly mind to become maybe less gay-friendly. That is a fear, and it's 2009. I don't have time for fear, and neither should you.

If Sean Penn next chooses the role of Anita Bryant for the major motion picture version of her life, it doesn't mean Sean Penn hates gay people. In fact, I very much doubt that, because I know Madonna ain't marry no gay-hater, people!!! It simply means that Sean Penn, and Barack Obama, aren't afraid to meet the challenge of someone or something with dissimilarities. They understand, I hope, the vast opportunities that are held when we associate with people who hold drastically different perspectives. We should all understand this. It's how we grow, it's how ideas are shared, and in the long run, it's how progress gets made.

So I say, let them meet. Let them speak. Let them share ideas. Let them be the free individuals that you desire to be, and have faith in them to treat you (and others) with acceptance, love and respect.

Stop looking for "friends" or "enemies" or "heroes." Heroes is a lame show on NBC. So is Friends, now that I think about it. Your hero is not Barack Obama, not your bff, not Sean Penn, not even Madonna, even though she comes close. Start looking for people - the ones with differences, and see what can happen when you get together. Just don't kill nobody.