with no pants on

I am head over heels in love with Lady GaGa. For those of you who have fallen in love before, you know how complicated and overwhelming it can be and you also probably know that sometimes falling in love is a process. It takes time. I didn't love Lady GaGa when she first walked into my life last summer with no pants on.

When I fall in love with things, it's customary for me to go to my cultural-twin and best friend, Mike. Mike and I like almost exactly the same things. When I like something, I have to make sure Mike likes it. I don't question why I do this, I just do, and it's this trust we've built to inform each other on the latest cultural shit going on. But if he doesn't like something, I have to find out why he doesn't like it and then make a painful decision to betray my best friend/culture-twin or betray my new likeything. In this case, the likeything is Lady GaGa. Mike didn't like her. But how!? She didn't wear pants!! Her hair is from space and has bows made out of hair!! She doesn't have eyeballs - just sunglasses! And she relentlessly tries to bring back shoulder pads! Oh, yeah...she makes catchy songs, too. Mike had the chance to see her perform at a gay club in Las Vegas and she was pretty bad. I trust Mike. Mike wouldn't lie. And it's not like he'd be embarrassed to like someone like GaGa, who resembles a tranny, because I know that Mike loves the Spice Girls and they don't just resemble trannys...

So, when I found out Lady GaGa sucked, I did what I always do, and I went on xtube. And then I went on YouTube. I googled her. I wikipediaed all over her face. I learned about her and I decided that this would be one of those things where I had to betray Mike and all I could do is pray that he would understand that I was in love with Tranny GaGa. I figured that the gay club performance had to have just been an off-night for her, because most of her performances were actually really good. I soon realized that she also performs like...all the time. Everywhere she goes, she brings her backup dancers, her disco stick, her video screens - she forgets her pants, though - and she performs! There are hundreds of performances. And she's only been doing it since last year. What's also neat is that she's totally not a dancer, in the way that I'm totally not a dancer, but you can tell that she works so hard at it that she fakes it till she makes it. Naturally, she couldn't be awesome at every single performance so I decided that GaGa has faults. And I love a person with faults.

I was scared that this was a persona. I really hate personas. Prince, for example. Like, seriously, what are you even doing? I was scared that it was just some silly ho who took herself way too seriously and never turned it off. And then I realized that she is just some silly ho who takes herself way too seriously and never turns it off. She's never "Joann" or whatever her real name is. She's fucking crazy and she really never wears pants.

But I LIKE it! Because more than anything, I am obsessed and in love with people who have that kind of ambition. While I'm sitting here at my computer writing about her, she's the one who tirelessly worked her Italian ass off to create this little world around her. She reminds me of Madonna in that way - the extreme ambition and work ethic. It's that sense of hyperconfidence that I just can't get enough of. In a way, I fell in love with my Lady because I identify with her. Before she was Lady GaGa, she was just a girl dreaming of doing what she really wanted to do. And that's what I am - just a girl dreaming of doing what I really want to do.

I really am truly fascinated by those kinds of people. I usually tend to notice the ones who are pretty girls that sing, but I'm sure there are like business men and women doing it too, and probably even ugly people. But they're not as fun to be fascinated by because they don't make pop music and let me escape from the very life that I'm not working nearly hard enough to escape from.

So, Ms. GaGa, I love you and I love what you do. Lots of people probably think you're batshit crazy (myself included) but you see the big picture. You get it. Cause there ain't no such thing as crazy when you're being yourself. Crazy is other people's problems - not yours. You don't have time to pay attention to that shit because, well, you're taking over the world.

To be totally yourself - even if you're not yourself but some alien popstar you created in your head one day while you were bored in math - to be totally what you want to be, relentlessly, unapologetically is the greatest thing in the world to a boy like me. More people should be going GaGa.