no matter what

An awesome coalition of churches in North Carolina are holding "Marriage Sunday" today in honor of the state marriage amendment that's being introduced to the legislature this week. This amendment puts a big exclamation point on the sentence ending "marriage is only between one man and one woman." North Carolina already has a law defining marriage in this way, cause let's face it, how would we still be able to call ourselves Southerners if we didn't. This amendment just solidifies and makes it really, really, really hard for gay marriage to ever be a real possibility in our state. At least it would, if our lawmakers decided that legislating hate was actually worth their attention.

That's why pastors are preaching about the importance of this amendment in sermons all across our state today. It's almost as if church didn't suck enough for those of us who happen to be gay AND religious so they had to think of new ways to make church suck.

I don't attend church. I like a different kind of suck on Sunday mornings. And that's the suck on a straw in a Mimosa, you dirty, dirrty reader. I attended church a few times with my Catholic cousins when they visited on Easter and I always felt uncomfortable. I also joined Young Life when I was in high school and going through a rough time and thought that perhaps a cult was the answer to all of my problems. Young Life wasn't so bad, and the Kool-Aid was tasty. I liked Young Life, actually, because it helped me become popular. With Jesus. And my fellow classmates. It was weird, because it was all these Christians being nice to me even though they knew I was gay. And then I started to wonder if maybe they just wanted me to pray the gay away. And then one of the most religious girls in school told me she had a crush on me, knowing full well that I was gay, and it all became too sick and twisted and conspiracy theories invaded my mind and I just had to stop attending and hoped that Jesus would understand.

And that's the thing, I was confident that Jesus would understand. That is, if there was a Jesus. And I think Jesus would be okay with me trying to figure out if he's real or not, because if there's one thing that those crazy Christians taught me, it was that Jesus loves me no matter what. And that's where it gets tricky, cause when they say "no matter what," I take that to mean there is absolutely nothing that would make Jesus not love me. But for some Christians, "no matter what" means "no matter what, except if you're gay - you should probably not be that way if you want to make extra super sure that he loves you. See you in church on Sunday - are you bringing muffins?"

Listen, I don't want to attack Christians. Why would I want to do that? Because they attack me and my gay brethren like, all the time? No, don't be silly. There are some Christians who get it, who get this whole "no matter what" deal and they understand that their religion, their marriage, and by God, their children are not threatened by a bunch of gays running around doing gay things and being gay. There are some Christians who want their children to meet gay children and gay people and gay dogs because they understand that their Christian children's lives are enriched by meeting birds of a different feather. (HEY! And just because I mentioned animals does not mean I want to marry an animal. I know you right-wing crazyshits all too well.)

But there are some Christians who are pastors of churches who are also preaching to those children right now that it's not okay to be gay or have gay dogs, and that Jesus doesn't love you no matter what. These pastors are doing a tremendous disservice to these children and, quite frankly, fucking up their chances at having healthy relationships because there are little gay boys and girls attending these services today, who heard just last week that Jesus loves them and now this week they're hearing that if they like someone who is the same gender as them, that Jesus doesn't love you or accept you as much as if you were the way God "intended" you to be. Can you think of a bigger mixed signal to send someone?

The wonderful thing about most children is that they wouldn't have a problem with their playground mates being different from them. It's not until us adults come in and "teach" them the ways of the world that their paradigm shifts and becomes a more confusing, complicated mess. And all too often these children grow up learning to hate the differences in others, because the people they trust most in the world (parents, pastors, family) are sending them these incredibly damaging conflicting messages.

I wish that the pastors in this state would preach to their zealots that we have so much more in common than what divides us and that those divisions were created so long ago by a tiny group of powerful white men who decided what was "normal" - a concept that we haven't been able to fully shake since it was invented. (Not discovered. There's a difference.) Maybe all it would take is a sit-down with these pastors and their puppet-er, um, faithful followers to tell them that Jesus loves them - no matter what. No matter how many kids you can scare into the closet, no matter how many valid, loving relationships you bar from the legal benefits of marriage, no matter how many people you "save," that Jesus loves you anyway. So, now, since you know what "no matter what" means, you can join the rest of us and chill out, take a break from sippin' that hate-o-rade and focus on yourself since you're the one with the problem.