baby, i chose this way

“I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not. As you can tell, I am very annoyed about this issue. Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with."  --Cynthia Nixon, just now. Haven't you seen? Don't you read the news? What the hell is wrong with you? Buy a newspaper! They have them for free on the Internet. Jesus Christ!

Uh oh. Cynthia Nixon done gone and started some shit. She done told the news press media that she done chosen to be gay. Cynthia Nixon was not born this way. And the gays are collectively flipping their shit. What has this firecrotch bull dyke done? Why won't she shut the hell up and go back to being the cynical bitch with the worst style on Sex and the City? Who does she think she is?

Okay, now that I have done my duty as a professional gay to say our talking points, I think Cynthia Nixon is the shit and I agree with her completely. Let me explain before you burn me at the stake (which is ironic..........)

When I was beginning to understand my sexuality (a process which continues to this very moment), I went through a... process. Here is what that process was like for me, starting at approximately age 8-9:

• I like girls. Girls are pretty. Their hair is pretty, especially the redheads. They remind me of Ariel.
• I like boys. Boys are pretty. When my little wiener gets hard, it's cause I get excited about boys.
• People say that liking boys is wrong. So, I will keep my hard wiener to myself.
• I like girls enough. Their hair is pretty. I am a teenager, so everyone is pretty. Even the people with terrifying acne and braces are pretty. I have terrible acne and braces. Do I love myself? Is this why I touch myself? My little wiener gets hard at anything all the time. 7th grade English comes to mind. I even hump the jet in the pool sometimes. I am attracted to pool jets.
• I discover porn. Men are really fucking hot. I want to do sex with them. So, I jerk off to P. Diddy.
• I begin to understand that there is an identity and I can stop saying "I like boys and I also like some girls" and start saying "I am bisexual."
• I soon realize that being "bisexual" is about as bad as being black (I'm from the South). Needing something more concrete, I opt for "gay," because in reality, dating other men seemed like a much more viable and realistic option for someone as faggy as me.
• I slowly put to sleep the ideas that marrying a woman (what society tells me I am supposed to do) and more importantly, being sexually attracted to a woman will ever happen.
• I fully embrace my "gayness."
• By "fully embrace," I clearly mean I begin to worship Madonna and then identify as part of a larger community of gay people and simultaneously reject (see also: hate) many of them. Especially the ones who are effeminate, who wear Abercrombie & Fitch, and who speak like Jack McFarland. Identify myself as me, and them as "them." Because I am nothing like them. (Spoiler alert: Yeah, I kinda am.)
• I live for a good while without gay friends, knowing that the only sort of companionship I will have with a gay person is through sex and love, but mostly sex because no one was good enough to love. Still hate how faggy they all are.
• Eventually, I become a faggot. I reject the word "faggot," because it is what I am and it's seen as a bad thing. I realize it's why I hated the more effeminate gays. I slowly start to grasp that who I am is not tied to my sexuality, and I somehow become more free to embrace the masculine parts of me in addition to the feminine parts of me without overwhelming concern with how others view me.
• We also call this "growing up."
• I come to terms with the fact that I am "them," and grow to love being part of a community of outcasts. It's kind of fun because we are kind of like "fuck the world that says we're not one of them, we don't need them. So, like, there."
• I learn what it means to be queer. I learn what it means to be transgender. I let go of even more sexuality and gender norms that I once clung to. Reluctantly, I accept bisexuality as a legitimate orientation too. And other things, like pansexual and omnisexual and even asexual!
• I stop being at war with the world. I stop being at war with my fellow queers. I begin to love people - the faggy ones, the masculine ones, the black ones, the white ones, even the Asian ones (okay, just some of them) and stop concerning myself with our differences. I even, against all odds, befriend a lesbian or two.
• Once I'm open to loving different people, I begin to understand that love and sexuality are different for every single person. Mainly because I stop avoiding them and actually listen. And once I opened myself up to all of these things (which was definitely a process not without missteps), I found that there was a lot of room for choice.

When you're an open human being, you realize that you actually do have choices. Not just in terms of who you are allowing yourself to love and be attracted to, but what kind of foods you will or will not eat, what kind of clothes you can "get away with" wearing, and even where you will let someone stick their finger. You start to see that there is a choice in everything, and you start, hopefully, to understand that this is the very nature of freedom - being open and able to choose.

For example, even though I just made myself sound like the most enlightened, pretentious, all-knowing asshole in the world (I'm coming for you, Paltrow), there are still things I'm not very open to. For instance, being attracted to blondes. Could I be attracted to a blonde person? Probably. But for whatever reason, I find dark-featured men more attractive and haven't taken any time or energy to even be open to dating a blonde. I don't know, maybe I have some leftover Aryan Holocaust guilt or some shit. I'm free to like whoever I want to like, whether that makes me a racist, an anti-blonde, or just an asshole, I'm free to do so.

The thing is - when you hide behind a cover like "I was born this way," it can give you license to be exactly the way that you are. And good for you. That's just peachy. But when you challenge yourself, when you push yourself to do something that is outside of your comfort zone, you just might find that you surprise yourself and that you're actually born a lot of different ways. You just never chose to go for those other ways.

I'm not saying try something you don't want to do. It's totally cool if you don't want to dip in different ponds. I get it. Do whatever you want (except get on Cynthia Nixon's case). But I can guarantee you there are heterosexual people reading this who have had the thought cross their mind and then locked it away like Jaycee Dugard.

This whole debate, which happens so often, reminds me of when Obama was running for office and the lunatics were yelling that he was a Muslim. All I could think about were the Muslim-Americans, who were sitting on the sidelines probably thinking to themselves, "Hey, assholes. What's the big fucking deal? We can run the country just as well as we can run a 7-11." How does Obama being a Muslim affect his ability to run the country? It doesn't.

How does choosing to identify as gay affect the validity of it being a legitimate sexual orientation?

It doesn't. So get off Cynthia's back. She's a redhead, and now you know how I feel about that.