mood ruiners and things of that nature

I have been meaning to write this blog for a long time, but I couldn't write it on one singular experience alone. I finally have enough to talk about and you - yes, you - are the beneficiary. Congratulations. When you decided to click that link that led you here, you probably didn't know how much it would pay off, but the point is you made that decision and it was the right one to make.

A while ago, when I still lived on Long Island, I was driving to the 7/11 near my house to grab my usual coffee before work. I'm not good at explaining traffic situations or roadways, so let me do my best: There was a stop sign and then there was a road. Okay, do you get it? So, I guess if you want me to be all "technical," there were two roads. Whatever. Point is, there was a woman sitting at the stop sign. I approached to turn right. Now, without coffee, I am in a fuzzy, quiet place. A hopeless place. The kind where Rihanna finds love. The kind of place that you don't have any idea where it is you are and you're just making a best guess. Like a blind person. Or Marlee Matlin. Or something. That's me without coffee. Naturally, being in a car on my way to obtain coffee is a dangerous place for me to be. But, how do I get one without the other? Or something? I don't know, I haven't had coffee today.

So, I turn right. I might have maybe a little bit tiny weeny bit forgotten to indicate with my turning signal. The woman who was waiting patiently for approximately 5 seconds (maybe 1 or 2 more) could not believe this. In fact, as I turned, I watched her quite expressively yell profanities at me and while I am not a lip-reader, I could make out: "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Now. I guess it's worth mentioning that also in the process of turning right without indicating, I ran over three mentally disabled children, an elderly woman, a litter of puppies, took out someone's mailbox filled with life-saving medicines that they were unable to get in time because of my lack of caution therefore killing an entire family of diabetics, and also hit a bump that detonated an atomic bomb killing half of China. So, I completely get her response.

Oh, wait!! None of that is true except for the atomic bomb part. I fucking neglected to put on my turning signal in a neighborhood at 8am and the woman legitimately lost her shit. I ruined her day. And in return, she ruined my mood.

Up until that moment, I was having an awesome day even though I had no coffee. I was excited, I woke up in a good mood, and I remember thinking "today is a great day to be alive." I hadn't even gotten laid the night before and it was still fucking awesome. And that miserable woman totally assaulted my good mood and took a giant corny shit in my Corn Flakes. I am able to recall these details because I was so taken aback by her reaction that I said to myself: The world needs to know about this hateful shit stain and the Lord has given me this task to complete. So, here I am.

I know it may be hard to believe, but I encountered these people all the time on Long Island. I know, you tend to think of Long Island being this sunny, bright place with happiness and friendly local bakeries at every turn. Me too. And now, living in New York, that rare locale where folks are just bursting at the seams with happiness, I am shocked to find what I call "mood ruiners."

In all seriousness, I'm not an idiot. I know there are miserable people in the world. Hell, I've even been one of them sometimes. I try to make a concerted effort not to let my piss-poor attitude ruin other people's days, especially total strangers. I mean, it takes a lot of effort to yell at me through your closed car window about my complete lack of dignity and class, and it's another thing entirely to just shake your head a little bit and move on. I don't know, maybe that woman's significant other was murdered (by me) earlier that day and she had to go to work and me not indicating was just the icing on the motherfuckin' cake. You never know what people are going through.

Which is actually why I try very hard to be a pleasant and positive person. And if I can't be that, and I know that I'm a human being and sometimes it's hard to be pleasant especially when you have an anal fissure or you've just been dumped, or you can't take a dump because of your anal fissure, but it takes more time and energy to be outwardly mean than to just be antisocial and removed. I'd rather people be antisocial than angry and bitter.

I started thinking about this again recently when friends (and new co-workers) would ask about my shiny, new boyfriend. When I shared, quite honestly, that things are going well and I feel lucky and what a great guy he is, people have reacted in interesting ways:

• Some friends are genuinely happy and interested. They want to know everything.
• Some friends are happy but would like to be kept at a distance. When I start sharing more of the fun stuff (cute, icky stuff), it's clear that they lose interest quickly and don't know how to respond.
• Some friends don't know how to react other than to joke about how they can't find anyone.
• Some people just flat-out react negatively, exposing a deep-rooted bitterness at other people's happiness.

I get it. I was single for three years before I dated someone seriously. And before that, I was miserable in a craptastic relationship. So, I've been both single and miserable. I can't recall feeling jealousy or negativity when my friends were in happy relationships or situations. If anything, I wanted to know more about it so I could figure out how to get myself into a similar situation. I have rarely felt like I'm in competition with my friends and I don't see happiness as a competitive sport. I don't know. I'm just spitballin' here.

I've even started wondering if it's even worth talking about, or if it's one of those things like being a vegetarian that I just routinely don't engage with people about. People have such strong feelings about vegetarians and not eating meat that they get defensive and upset simply by me admitting I'm a vegetarian. What they fail to realize is that I have no interest in converting others and that it's a personal choice I've made. Personal in the way that it is just for me, not for you goddamnit. So, when I mention or am asked about having a boyfriend and, God forbid, admit that I'm happy with him, it can really bring up some strong feelings for people.

I fully realize that people's reactions, more than anything, indicate much more about where they are at than anything about me and my situation, but it's still a little disappointing that it's so difficult for us to be genuinely happy when we see other people happy. And as for those mood ruiners, why can't we have just a smidge more patience with people before deciding to be a giant douchebag?

I guess that requires us to step outside of our current situation for a split-second, whether it's a positive or negative one, and that can be difficult for people. But sometimes, I just want to yell through a closed car window: "BE HAPPY FOR ME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"