In my search for the perfect employer, I have been lucky enough to interview with a variety of organizations in the non-profit world. A few weeks ago, I had a big scary interview with a big scary youth LGBT non-profit organization. I have another one tomorrow, because I'm not sticking with my current gig for very long. I clearly have chosen public service and the non-profit environment, specifically working with little baby LGBT's as my career of choice. Increasingly, I find myself asking "why?"
The truth is, I love working with youth. Don't even start with me on that pedophile bullshit because all I do, besides molest children, is knock down stereotypes of gays molesting children. So, shut up. I really love working with young people and watching them on their respective journeys to love themselves through misguided attempts at "falling in love" with other teenagers, celebrities, clothing stores, and stupid computer games. Sure, it can be unbelievably frustrating at times, and sure, young people are the most self-centered people in the world besides me, but I still love them anyway.
I love being able to get them thinking about things that I wish people had got me thinking about at that age. For instance, you should always use a condom because you will literally die if you don't, even just once. I love being able to tell them not to sext naked pictures of themselves because when they're 25, they'll look back at their younger, awkward bodies and vomit. I love responding to them flippantly when they tell me they are dying from an attention-seeking-induced allergic reaction to parmesan cheese. I love it because I was that kid, and I had pretty cool figures in my life who helped me turn out okay and in a way, I want to repay the favor.
As with most things in my life, I don't approach empowering youth, although advocacy and activist-y in nature, so seriously. If a kid is telling me they have a plan for how to commit suicide, clearly shit is real. If a kid is telling me they are literally going to die if this boy does not text them back, clearly shit is hilarious. I like to help them get to the point where they can actually stop sobbing and breathe again, and then hopefully laugh about how we all get so worked up sometimes.
There are many people in my field who are on their lookout all the time and not for the right reasons, which is so lame. If you say "lame," they will come at you because the word lame once was a slang term for someone who was disabled in some way. If you say "disabled," they will come at you and say that it's "differently abled" now. If you say "this shit is crazy," they will say "it's really better if you say 'this shit is with challenges,' because crazy is a stigmatized word for people with mental challenges." What ruins it for me is not the message so much as the approach, which seems to say "I have a better word for that because I am a smarter, more thoughtful, and more all-around-Jesus-like person than you are." In other words "this is the better way" to be a human being. No one learns a lesson by being told that they're not doing something the best way, good intentions be damned.
In my mind, the approach should be "think about why that might hurt someone's feelings and let me know what you come up with." It might not seem that different, but you'll notice I put it all back on them. I give them the power to think critically and decide what's best for them. I don't want to change them, I want them to change themselves because that is the stuff that lasts.
When I am around the people that matter (yeah, I said it, not everyone matters), such as my youth, I am aware that I am a role model to them. I am someone that they are looking to - whether for instructions that they'll complain about, or for music to dance to that they'll complain about, or for pizza that they'll complain about, or for rules that they'll complain about, or whatever else. They are looking to me (for something to complain about later).
So, when I ask them why it's not okay to call a woman a "bitch," I expect them to think about it and answer: "Because, Wes, it's derogatory to women and women aren't inherently assholes, so clearly that woman is just an asshole who happens to be a woman." (Author's note: They are more likely to answer "Because she's not literally a female dog," before arriving at the aforementioned correct answer.) Will they continue calling women bitches? Probably some of them, but I got their wheels turning and once they know something, they can't really unknow it. They can disagree with it and not change their behavior, but if they understand the 'why,' they're not going to forget it. So, every time they call a woman a bitch from that moment on, a little part of them will die inside. It's really neat. It's the same reason I still cringe when I jokingly say "faggot." I know it's wrong - I can't forget that - but I know I want to make someone laugh just a little bit more.
I just don't let any racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, misogynistic, classist or anti-Lady Gaga comments go unchecked. Blasphemy is totally fine by me. But the other stuff... I don't let that shit slide. I will go ahead and be the bad cop and I'm okay with that, because I have buckets of charm and personality that will make them like me anyway.
I don't let it slide because when I was in school, I was called a "faggot," not jokingly, on the regular, almost always within earshot of my teachers and they did absolutely nothing. I was a fat kid, and fat kids don't stand up for themselves. They make jokes and eat. I needed someone to intervene for me. It's not the young person's responsibility to stand up for themselves while being supervised by an adult. It's the adult's responsibility, period, end of story, TTYN.
The thing is, we're all still kids learning how to be in this world. I went to a conference last year with my youth, and we were participating in this oppression workshop where we all played roles that modeled an oppressive society. One of the people, the cop, very unfairly took away our rights. Another cop intervened, and told the mean cop that he couldn't do that. I snapped, "Bam! You just got neutered."
Following this, I was lectured, privately, about how offensive my statement was because to someone who is transgender, my statement could be read as me saying one's power source is their ball sac. I have a hard time writing this without rolling my eyes. I listened, and completely understand the sentiment. Do I think it was reaching? Yes, maybe a little. Would they rather me have said "Bam! You just got your power taken away from you by someone else?" Probably, but those are way too many words.
The thing is, I get it. Them checking me about my "neutered" comment was because they had guaranteed that they would. I'm glad they did, because I never thought about how it could be offensive until they made me think about it. They didn't say "this is wrong, and here's an alternative." They made me figure it out. Yes, it's annoying and politically correct as the day is long.... However, as stated before, it's now up to me to either change or stay the same. Regardless, the wheels are turning.
And so, I think the reason I like working with youth is because we're all still youth. Even if I roll my eyes, I enjoy being nudged in the direction of being a better person. I want the youth that I come in contact with to leave me being more thoughtful individuals. Not the most thoughtful individuals or to be perfect and never offend anyone in their lives. What's the fun in that? I want them to walk through life realizing that everything they do is their responsibility. I want them to be proactive people, ones who are empowered by the Sensei Wes wisdom that they, and they alone, are responsible for all of the good and bad things that happen to them in their life. Not because other people are doing it to or for them.
My life changed dramatically when I stopped asking "why me?" and asked "what did I do to make this happen?" Good or bad. I discovered that things didn't happen to me, but that I had a place in making it happen. Since that moment, whenever the hell it was, my life has been drastically more meaningful and enjoyable. I stopped being at war with the world, which so many people in my field seem to be. I stopped blaming the world for my problems, I stopped crediting other people for my accomplishments, and I was freed by knowing I am the only one responsible for my happiness and for being a good person.
I think it's the moment that propels us out of the self-centered rut of our teenage years and into being (not necessarily adults, because that's overrated) more thoughtful human beings. I want to help move people - especially young people who have everything in front of them - in that direction, because when I did, life became a lot better.
#ItGetsBetter, lolz.
The truth is, I love working with youth. Don't even start with me on that pedophile bullshit because all I do, besides molest children, is knock down stereotypes of gays molesting children. So, shut up. I really love working with young people and watching them on their respective journeys to love themselves through misguided attempts at "falling in love" with other teenagers, celebrities, clothing stores, and stupid computer games. Sure, it can be unbelievably frustrating at times, and sure, young people are the most self-centered people in the world besides me, but I still love them anyway.
I love being able to get them thinking about things that I wish people had got me thinking about at that age. For instance, you should always use a condom because you will literally die if you don't, even just once. I love being able to tell them not to sext naked pictures of themselves because when they're 25, they'll look back at their younger, awkward bodies and vomit. I love responding to them flippantly when they tell me they are dying from an attention-seeking-induced allergic reaction to parmesan cheese. I love it because I was that kid, and I had pretty cool figures in my life who helped me turn out okay and in a way, I want to repay the favor.
As with most things in my life, I don't approach empowering youth, although advocacy and activist-y in nature, so seriously. If a kid is telling me they have a plan for how to commit suicide, clearly shit is real. If a kid is telling me they are literally going to die if this boy does not text them back, clearly shit is hilarious. I like to help them get to the point where they can actually stop sobbing and breathe again, and then hopefully laugh about how we all get so worked up sometimes.
There are many people in my field who are on their lookout all the time and not for the right reasons, which is so lame. If you say "lame," they will come at you because the word lame once was a slang term for someone who was disabled in some way. If you say "disabled," they will come at you and say that it's "differently abled" now. If you say "this shit is crazy," they will say "it's really better if you say 'this shit is with challenges,' because crazy is a stigmatized word for people with mental challenges." What ruins it for me is not the message so much as the approach, which seems to say "I have a better word for that because I am a smarter, more thoughtful, and more all-around-Jesus-like person than you are." In other words "this is the better way" to be a human being. No one learns a lesson by being told that they're not doing something the best way, good intentions be damned.
In my mind, the approach should be "think about why that might hurt someone's feelings and let me know what you come up with." It might not seem that different, but you'll notice I put it all back on them. I give them the power to think critically and decide what's best for them. I don't want to change them, I want them to change themselves because that is the stuff that lasts.
When I am around the people that matter (yeah, I said it, not everyone matters), such as my youth, I am aware that I am a role model to them. I am someone that they are looking to - whether for instructions that they'll complain about, or for music to dance to that they'll complain about, or for pizza that they'll complain about, or for rules that they'll complain about, or whatever else. They are looking to me (for something to complain about later).
So, when I ask them why it's not okay to call a woman a "bitch," I expect them to think about it and answer: "Because, Wes, it's derogatory to women and women aren't inherently assholes, so clearly that woman is just an asshole who happens to be a woman." (Author's note: They are more likely to answer "Because she's not literally a female dog," before arriving at the aforementioned correct answer.) Will they continue calling women bitches? Probably some of them, but I got their wheels turning and once they know something, they can't really unknow it. They can disagree with it and not change their behavior, but if they understand the 'why,' they're not going to forget it. So, every time they call a woman a bitch from that moment on, a little part of them will die inside. It's really neat. It's the same reason I still cringe when I jokingly say "faggot." I know it's wrong - I can't forget that - but I know I want to make someone laugh just a little bit more.
I just don't let any racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, misogynistic, classist or anti-Lady Gaga comments go unchecked. Blasphemy is totally fine by me. But the other stuff... I don't let that shit slide. I will go ahead and be the bad cop and I'm okay with that, because I have buckets of charm and personality that will make them like me anyway.
I don't let it slide because when I was in school, I was called a "faggot," not jokingly, on the regular, almost always within earshot of my teachers and they did absolutely nothing. I was a fat kid, and fat kids don't stand up for themselves. They make jokes and eat. I needed someone to intervene for me. It's not the young person's responsibility to stand up for themselves while being supervised by an adult. It's the adult's responsibility, period, end of story, TTYN.
The thing is, we're all still kids learning how to be in this world. I went to a conference last year with my youth, and we were participating in this oppression workshop where we all played roles that modeled an oppressive society. One of the people, the cop, very unfairly took away our rights. Another cop intervened, and told the mean cop that he couldn't do that. I snapped, "Bam! You just got neutered."
Following this, I was lectured, privately, about how offensive my statement was because to someone who is transgender, my statement could be read as me saying one's power source is their ball sac. I have a hard time writing this without rolling my eyes. I listened, and completely understand the sentiment. Do I think it was reaching? Yes, maybe a little. Would they rather me have said "Bam! You just got your power taken away from you by someone else?" Probably, but those are way too many words.
The thing is, I get it. Them checking me about my "neutered" comment was because they had guaranteed that they would. I'm glad they did, because I never thought about how it could be offensive until they made me think about it. They didn't say "this is wrong, and here's an alternative." They made me figure it out. Yes, it's annoying and politically correct as the day is long.... However, as stated before, it's now up to me to either change or stay the same. Regardless, the wheels are turning.
And so, I think the reason I like working with youth is because we're all still youth. Even if I roll my eyes, I enjoy being nudged in the direction of being a better person. I want the youth that I come in contact with to leave me being more thoughtful individuals. Not the most thoughtful individuals or to be perfect and never offend anyone in their lives. What's the fun in that? I want them to walk through life realizing that everything they do is their responsibility. I want them to be proactive people, ones who are empowered by the Sensei Wes wisdom that they, and they alone, are responsible for all of the good and bad things that happen to them in their life. Not because other people are doing it to or for them.
My life changed dramatically when I stopped asking "why me?" and asked "what did I do to make this happen?" Good or bad. I discovered that things didn't happen to me, but that I had a place in making it happen. Since that moment, whenever the hell it was, my life has been drastically more meaningful and enjoyable. I stopped being at war with the world, which so many people in my field seem to be. I stopped blaming the world for my problems, I stopped crediting other people for my accomplishments, and I was freed by knowing I am the only one responsible for my happiness and for being a good person.
I think it's the moment that propels us out of the self-centered rut of our teenage years and into being (not necessarily adults, because that's overrated) more thoughtful human beings. I want to help move people - especially young people who have everything in front of them - in that direction, because when I did, life became a lot better.
#ItGetsBetter, lolz.
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