i'm mr. lonely

For a while there, I thought I was immune to loneliness.  And then, today happened.

I've been in New York, my new home, for just barely over three weeks.  In this time, I have started a new job, had several visitors, been on a date, moved into an entirely new home, and been busy all the damn time.  Today, things wound down.  That is, after my first 10+ hour work day.  And then I thought about my mom, and I got sad for the first time since moving.

I realized that although I have excellent co-workers, who are supportive and super friendly and will most likely end up being my friends, I have no friends here.  I miss familiarity.  I miss having the option to not hang out with people.  Now, I just kind of... can't hang out with people.  I can't even reject anybody.  What is going on?!

In all seriousness, and faithful readers will know that not much is ever serious, even when it gets serious, I started to wonder how long it will take me to get the friends.  I'm not too anxious, and this little lonely spell isn't debilitating so much, but I realize I'm not getting any younger, and I no longer have my parents to arrange play-dates for me, and I no longer have school to force me into friendships or total social outcast-y death, and I have a job that is to be taken seriously - AKA I can't make a total fool out of myself around my co-workers and expect them to take me seriously.  And what fun is not being able to make a total fool out of yourself?  Especially if you're me, who does that on the regular?

I've been pondering this future.  It's true, I was very much looking forward to 'me' time all the time, and I'm enjoying it so far.  I can see it getting old rather quickly, though.  And then what?  I've already started thinking of lame things to do, like going to United Way HIV Care Network Meetings and volunteering there (mainly because of the super hottie who works there, and maybe because I want to help HIV folks, too, but mostly the hottie), or just abandoning all hope of a social life and do nothing but work.  Maybe I'll join a bingo league and befriend old ladies who chain smoke their way through life.  Maybe I'll become a dog walker and socialize with animals only.  Maybe I'll sit in my house all day and watch True Blood.  I'm down with vampire porn.  The possibilities are endless.

Though I'm in total honeymoon-stage with my new job and loving it like woah, I still find myself yearning for the irresponsibility and easygoing ways of before.  What I think I really liked was that I always had time to hang out with a friend.  I never realized how dependent I was on a social life, of course, until I didn't have one.

I'm sure things will get better, and that I'll meet people who I become friends with.  As stated earlier, I just am curious as to how those friendships develop and where they begin.  Before, it was all relatively simple.  And as I'm learning is the case with most things in life, it only gets harder as you get older.

Wah wahhh.