out with the old, in with the present

Sometimes, life unfolds so strangely that you just have to wonder if it's fucking with you. As I sit here, at my parent's house (ugh) waiting for the big move, I've been pondering all the great people I've been meeting lately. I took a job as a bartender at a restaurant in downtown Greensboro earlier this summer to make some extra money before the next phase of my life. I never thought that I'd actually be weighing the pro's and con's of staying in Greensboro at that job compared to leaving. On one hand, it's good to second-guess yourself sometimes to make sure the decision you're making is really the right one. On the other hand, my mind rarely, if ever, works this way. I doubt myself way too much, way too often.

There was a point early on in the summer where I just knew that staying here would be the death of me. Those sound like the words of someone running away from their problems, but they're the words of someone with no more problems and no more interests in that particular place. Specifically because all the interests in said place would just lead to more problems. I've just had my fill. I thought.

I've met people at my bartending job that I didn't know existed in Greensboro. Beyond the job, I actually stepped outside of my group of friends (since most of them moved away at various points throughout the summer) and I flew away a little bit on my own. Like a bird. With hollow bones.

It's amazing to me, how in 3 weeks or less, you can create bonds with people that feel just as strong as the bonds of your oldest friendships. It's like I applied denture-glue to these new people, and we're bonded. Bound? Gagged? Bound? Where is this going? Somebody stop me.

It's like I know I'm an endangered species to this area, so I'm going all out and just putting my new friendships on the fast-track to get the most out of them before I go. And now, sometimes, I don't want to go. I like my friends, I like the relative simplicity of this life, I like the limited responsibility, and I like having a good time. People say this all the time, but I wish I could scoop up all of my favorite people and transplant them to where I'm going.

I guess I'm just lucky that I still have the ability to make new friends. I find myself looking forward to the big move sometimes not because of all the new friends I'll meet, but because I won't know anybody. I'll be totally anonymous. Everyone keeps saying "So you can be whoever you want to be!" This is true, but I only know how to be myself. And Jerri Blank. But, as luck would have it, or should I say, as life would have it, it's inevitable that I'll be lonely and missing all these new friends I've found.

There are times when I think I've got it all figured out, and mindfucks like these come along to make me wonder what's really going on. After a few moments of frantic mind-searching, it becomes clear that I shouldn't be thinking about what it's going to be like up there, or what it was like before. I should be enjoying what I have in front of me, right now. So that's what I'm going to do.