when will waiting for the one be done?

This was the tagline for the Sex and the City movie. So often, we seek out that person, the one who will make everything better. Whether that be fulfilling your dreams of a long-term, happy, healthy relationship, finding the right gynecologist, or searching for the right President, sometimes, we want it all. Can we have it all?

The gays are kinda pissed. At least the ones in the blogosphere. President Obama is, easily, the most gay friendly Commander-in-Chief America has ever seen. He mentions gay people in his speeches, he vows to end anti-gay policies like Don't Ask, Don't Tell, he invites gay families to the Easter Egg hunt on the White House lawn and appoints openly gay public servants to his administration. He is a master rhetorician. He talks the talk... but does he walk the walk?

This man came into office under unreal expectations. We all know that. So many Americans are in a state of desperation right now, in need of assistance or help of some kind - whether that be financially, or because they're attending horribly underfunded schools, or wanting to be treated equally under the law, and they are all clamoring for Obama's attention. He's got a lot on his plate, and only recently passed the 100-day mark. His Presidency is still in baby stage. I'd say, since he's still all-talk, he's in Freud's oral fixation stage of his life. Hehe.

So, yes, when he took office, his Civil Rights section of the WhiteHouse.gov site was an incredibly extensive, wonderful sight to behold. It listed, in specifics, what he envisioned specifically for LGBT Americans. It was almost as long-winded as most of my blog entries. Now, it's just a paragraph.

He promised to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Now, we're hearing from everyone but Obama that "this is going to be a long, ongoing process." Meanwhile, over 12,500 servicemen and women have been discharged from the military under this policy. 12,500. That's 12,500 qualified people who have been fired from their job for being gay. And you know what's funny? The military recruits. Do you know what it means when someone is recruiting? My impression is that it means they need people to join. They are actively seeking out people to join. So, how can you afford to discharge over 12,500 people while we're fighting two wars? Not to mention, the military has a code of conduct that instructs all service people to be honest at all times. I realize there's no asking and no telling supposed to be going on...but do you not see a conflict in these two policies? Please take a moment to read Dan Choi's open letter to Obama concerning his discharge from the military. It's titled: "Don't Fire Me."

Iowa, Maine, Vermont have all legalized same-sex marriage. The President's response: "No comment." Obama, who loves to talk up gay rights, has absolutely nothing to say about 3 states having marriage equality in less than ONE month??

The Federal Hate Crimes Bill (you know, the one that Virginia Foxx shat on?) passed in the House, and there was no word from Obama (who supports the bill and is the most powerful man in the country, and the ability to put pressure on the Senate to pass the bill...)

So, before you go on thinking that I'm another Obama hater, I'm not. I recognize that more than anything, Obama is a politician. Yes, Obama pandered his ass off to the LGBT community when he was running for President. We'll choose to ignore the fact that he's changed his view on same-sex marriage since 1996 (click the image to your left), when a gay rights group surveyed him on his beliefs and he said he supports full marriage rights for LGBTs, and somewhere along the way when he (falsely) assumed that this support would cost him votes, he adapted his view to be supportive of "civil unions." When the Governor of Maine (who also held the stance of supporting same-sex unions, not marriage) publicly said that he had a change of heart, recognizing that separate is not equal, he signed the Maine marriage equality bill into law. So, Obama has time to change his stance, and I believe that he will. I hope that he will.

Hope. Sounds familiar, right? I heard that word a lot in 2008. I think the reason why so many LGBTs are upset with Obama is because they hoped he would be the one. He'd be the one who changed everything for them. Just like when you meet that new boy, and he's incredible, and you put all your eggs into that basket, and finally - you've found the one! Mr. Big is here!!

Let's remember - Mr. Big isn't perfect. By most accounts, he's kind of an asshole. How long did it take for him to realize that Carrie was meant for him? And even then - he still fucks things up on a regular basis. Charlotte curses the day he was born.

We cannot keep expecting the world from other people. We cannot continue to believe that our problems will be miraculously solved with one person. If you're a member of the LGBT community (and that includes our straight allies), you're all "the one." Movements for equality take time, unfortunately (a hard lesson for me to learn). But they don't have to take as long if you stop depending on others to make it happen for you.

Just like in relationships, it's ridiculous to hope for someone to come along and solve your problems and make you the happiest person in the world. Your happiness is your responsibility. Your rights are your responsibility. If they're not being fulfilled, you can blame the day away on who made it that way, or you can stop pointing fingers, realize it for what it is, and then do something.

Whether that be writing a letter to your Senator or Representative, calling them, joining an organization for change, attending a protest or rally, coming out of the closet and sharing yourself with others, or running for office - change can happen in so many ways. But it'll never happen so long as you depend on others to change it for you.

And you'll never be happy so long as you depend on others to create happiness for you.

And can I just say how awesome it is that I put this Obama shit in the context of a metaphor with Sex and the City? Not to toot my own horn, or anything.

But, toot toot.