i watched it so you don't have to, vol. 1

Star Trek. Cue the absolutely ridiculous, overwhelming, soaring score.

I was really excited for this, mostly because of the new Captain Kirk, Chris Pine, whose pictures are littered about this entry for your enjoyment. Seriously, I was pumped up for this movie. And then I saw it.

First, to all the nerds, before you flip your shit: I'm a quasi-nerd. I'm too cool to be a full nerd, but let's just say Sarah Michelle Gellar has a restraining order against me because I'm so obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy is pretty much the only sci-fi I get my panties in a wad about. I never saw Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or the original Star Trek. Chances are, if it involves space or hobbits, it just doesn't do anything for me.

With that said, I think J. J. Abrams (the director) is capable of creating ingenious works. I loved me some Cloverfield. So, when I saw the preview for Star Trek a while back, I did this. I don't know if I got so excited over the awesome sci-fi space action, or because Harold from Harold and Kumar was kicking ass all heroically, or Captain Kirk, but I was pumped.

And then opening weekend came, and everyone was all Twittering about how incredible it was, and how even old Trekkies liked it and all this shit, and so I was like "MUST. SEE. KIRK. NOW" and dragged my friend May along with me.

I'm sorry, May. I didn't know. How was I to know? I was tricked by those eyes, blue as the sky and that face, fresh as ...something really fresh. The experience started to suck when every single trailer was for some testosterone-pumped, mega-intense boy movie (Transformers 2, Terminator 409484). Seriously, that shit is out of control. I don't need to see the movie because I saw a half a second clip of at least every scene. Not to mention, the fucking previews wore me out, so how am I expected to last for two hours? If Star Trek is any indication, I will not hold up very well.

Okay, it wasn't terrible. It just wasn't incredible. And there were moments where I laughed that I wasn't supposed to, mostly because of the music. The story was cool, the special effects were neat, but I think what it boils down to is that I'm just not a fan of the inherent cheesiness of Star Trek. I also sat sort of close to the screen, which I don't usually do, and everything just seemed so much louder and closer (huh, imagine that) and it was very intense. I will say this, though: Mini-Spock is the cutest thing ever. So adorable.

Speaking of adorable, how adorable is my new boyfriend, Chris Pine? In addition to his aesthetically pleasing face and body, the boy can wear a suit. He is going to be added to the list of effortless hunks. Star Trek, meanwhile, will be added to the list of movies I will tolerate if someone rents it so long as they wake me up whenever Captain Kirk is featured or... MINI SPOCK!!!!