addtwitcted

My biggest fear in starting a blog was that it would become self-important. Blogs are by definition kind of self-important, though. It's you, sharing your thoughts on a public forum, with the expectation that people will possibly read it. Naturally, this means there's a part of you who feels like what you have to say is worth sharing. In my eyes, I don't see this as a bad thing. I think there's room for everyone who wants to have their voice heard, and it's no different from publishing your work. You're valuing what you have to offer and think that maybe other people will like it too, or it will resonate in some way.

And then there's Twitter. Twitter's got its haters. They're everywhere. I was one of them. And then I realized how fun it is. And I update it all the time. I figured I would link it to my Facebook so that I can cut out the middle man and just update all of my online statuses from one convenient location. And now, people tell me that I need to chill out with it because it's all up in their news feed and they hate it.

I hate it, too. It's made me more self-important than my own blog has. The worst part is that half the time, I don't know what to say and I'll spend 15 minutes trying to think of a good status update. When you see a song lyric as my Twitter update, that's because I've spent 15 minutes trying to think of something original and couldn't, so I spend 15 more minutes looking for a good song lyric.

And now! People are complaining about how much I do it! My dad sent me an e-mail a while ago about how to best use Twitter. I was really excited about it, because for once, my dad sent me something relevant to my life. He usually sends me information on marketing or advertising jobs. My dad has not yet come to a point where he can accept the fact that I don't want his job, I don't want to be a marketer, or advertiser, or anything even remotely connected to that. So, I read the article, and it's how to best use Twitter for your company and ways to advertise with Twitter. Really, Dad? The first sentence (the only one I read) said something about market saturation and how to be economical in your tweets. What this really means is, don't update too much cause people will get sick of you.

...Oops. But I'm important! And I have song lyrics to spend valuable time looking for to share with you! All it takes is me writing this blog, looking at my behavior as I describe it right now to realize how utterly ridiculous it is. I've learned my lesson, damnit! I update too much!! Next time I'm sitting there and the clock is ticking, I promise - I'll just walk away and find new social media to obsess over.

But let's talk about something only marginally more exciting than me: the celebrities I follow on Twitter. I'll follow them so you don't have to. Here's everything you need to know about some of the celebs I follow:

• Solange Knowles: Updates way too much, but usually they're insightful or entertaining. She does the "flood your page" thing where she updates one right after the other after the other, which can be annoying. Always talkin' about her son, too. Example Tweet: "why do people lie about having weave? what's the big fucking deal? hmmm???"

• Margaret Cho: Not that funny. She updates too much to be funny all the time. I always thought she was funny by chance, not inherently funny. Floods your page, too. Example Tweet: "I'm wearing a side ponytail and it feels like one side of my body is paralyzed like I had a stroke... Because my hair is so heavy its like an anchor on the side of my head."

• Britney Spears: Updates a perfect amount - not too much, but just enough to keep you wanting more. Plus, I like toplay the ongoing game of "is Britney or someone paid to write ambiguous updates like Britney really saying this?" Example Tweet: "I can't believe the first leg of the tour is already over! Sad, but excited for London!! -Britney"

• Lady GaGa: Has the Britney updating style down to perfection - just enough. This means when you get one, it's really good. Plus, they're pretty much exactly as weird as she is so you know it's really her. Example Tweet: "I just saw a fan write my lyrics on a paparazzi car. You're bad ass and I love you. Xxloveandart gaga"

• Melissa Beck: This is the Melissa from Real World: New Orleans. Can we call her celebrity? She's the crazy one. My favorite one ever. She writes a hilarious blog and just had a baby. This woman is so funny. Her tweets always make me giggle, are always clever. Example Tweet: this morning shalom (her new daughter) was holding on to a tiny thick curly black hair. i about died! then i realized that her dad is growing that beard again. i'm having the heart-to-heart about the beard despite the fact that my horoscope said i'd end up cussing him out. he's due for a nastygram."

• Ashton Kutcher: Was interesting for a minute. I like "interview" Ashton Kutcher way better than "Punk'd" Ashton Kutcher. Does anyone else get what I mean when I say this? On Twitter, he's both, so I have a love/hate relationship with him. Updates way too much, too. He either is replying to the millions of people who follow him, or he's giving semi-philosophical tweets. No one can do philosophy in 140 characters or less, Ashton, what makes you think you can? Example Tweet: "there's no such thing as a bad kid, just kids that make bad choices. surrounding them by grown people who make bad choices is not a solve."

• Guy Oseary: Only a celebrity in the way that managers to Madonna are celebrities. He's a very positive tweeter and often gets Madonna to answer questions. One time, a fan asked "why are you only answering the weird people's questions and not the normal people like me?" Madonna's reply: "I don't distinguish between weird and normal. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Now do you have a question for me?" Yessss! Other than that, his tweets are about life as Madonna's manager and being generally sexy. Example Tweet: "big thanks to marc jacobs for last night.. we need more nights like that.."

• B. Scott: The absolute best. Can't nobody mess with B. Scott. Lots of links to his website, but his website is great so you can deal with it! I swear, B. Scott shits positivity. Example Tweet: "Did Oprah really give away a free fried chicken KFC coupon? If she did Jesus please drive me off the road and into a big DITCH!"