Keep the tough in perspective.
I've been having trouble keeping it all together lately. Keeping it in perspective. I used to have a really, really hard time with it and my anxiety would take over. When I was a little boy, I would get so freaked out that I wouldn't get enough sleep before school the next day, and then that day would go horribly, and then the rest of school would go horribly, and I'd never make it to high school, never get to college, never get a job, ahhhhh! All because I wasn't able to fall asleep instantly.
Now, I don't know what happened to little Wesley to make him so terrified, but I know it gave my parents a lifetime of amusement. I'd come downstairs, in my tighty-whities, sobbing up a storm about some bullshit like I just mentioned. Sometimes, I would come downstairs so upset that my parents were going to die before me and then I'd miss them. Other times, it was that the rainforest was being cut down so fast that the Earth wouldn't have enough oxygen and we were all going to suffocate. I'd let my little mind think of something and then just run rampant. My mind went on a rampage every night, thinking up every worst-case scenario that would terrify an eight year old child. Every night. And my parents would just laugh, tell me to rub my feet together or count backwards from 100 and take deep breaths and that everything was going to be okay. But in that moment, I felt like my world was crashing down and I didn't know what to do.
I don't feel like that very often anymore. Until recently. My fear of not getting enough sleep is still with me, although much less severe. In fact, I haven't been getting good sleep lately, and I think it's because I'm at such a crossroads. I need to find a new job, a new place to live (maybe a new city), and figure out what's going on with this whole relationshipsituation. And it's got me all anxious!! And now that I'm a grown ass man, I can't go crying to my parents about it in my damn underwear anymore.
So, now, when I start thinking about doomsday in all its forms, I just remember to keep my life in perspective like my parents did for me. When I start getting that sinking feeling like nothing is going to ever be okay, it just rings an alarm in my head and a little gloved hand lifts up a sign in my head that says "This is a sign that everything will, in fact, be okay." My intense anxiety about things not being okay is actually what tells me that everything will be okay, because my parents taught me a long time ago, that when those feelings come, you just breathe, and put that shit away. Your final exam? Just a blip on your life's radar. This boy that's got your panties in a wad? Nothing compared to you, especially if he doesn't see that. Unemployed? You'll get a new job, honey. Got the swine flu? You'll be okay, boo! Just get your piggly wiggly ass to the doctor right. Now.
I know I will be okay now. It's true that certain things are ending in my life, and changes are coming, and that's upsetting and scary and sad. But I'm me, and somehow, I've made it this far, even though I spent some time crying in my tighty-whities, and I think I'll be okay. My perspective tells me so.
Unless this swine flu mess gets out of control. Put that shit on lock, WHO!
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