Iowaha. I don't even know how to spell the damn state, cause I would have never thought in a million years there'd be a need to learn how it was spelled. It doesn't happen, ever, but boy - was I wrong.
IOWA unanimously voted today to protect the rights of same-sex couples by granting them the right to marry. The Supreme Court found that defining marriage as between one man/one female was a violation of the equal protection clause in their state's Constitution (you know, the same one that the United States has, the 14th Amendment?). In plain terms, not granting same-sex couples the right to marry is discrimination. If you have any interest, I highly suggest reading the entire ruling here. It has a lot of legal mumbo jumbo, but if you get through it, you'll see how truly just and sound this decision was. It's poetic, almost. They literally lay it all out for you, and answer about every dimwitted, bovine argument that opponents of same-sex marriage have ever given with a voice of reason. This word gets used to much, but...epic.
A lot of people are like "Iowa? Who would have ever guessed? The Midwest?!" (I got poetry flowing out of fingers today, I just feel so blessed). I was one of those people until I did a little bit of digging and found some gold. Iowa has often led the charge for equal rights, becoming the first state to allow interracial marriages, as well as being an example and trend setter with slavery and segregation rulings. My cowboy hat goes off to you, Iowa, and especially the judges who stuck with rational decision-making that showed them the way to justice. A few more of us gays are now getting to feel what it's really like living in a country with liberty and justice for all.
We all know those crazy conservatives (not Meghan McCain, though, she was somehow blessed with intelligence and respect for others) are going to get all riled up in church on Sunday and try to amend the constitution of Iowa to redefine marriage (it's nice to flip that term around on them, for once) to prohibit same-sex relationships...but the good news is, that's not physically possible until 2012. This will not stop us. As we all know, 3 years is far in the future, and gives the Iowa gays ample time to destruct the civilization, all moral values, kill families, and end the world as a result of their loving marriages. So what I'm sayin' is... your efforts will be in vain, crazies.
But really, by that time, Iowans will see that their same-sex neighbors aren't so bad, or so different from them. They'll soon be gossiping with each other about why their husbands and wives aren't sleeping with them anymore, how to get urine stains out of their children's mattresses, which wedding planner steals your money, etc. And the gay Iowans will be inviting their family and friends to their ceremonies, which will probably be just as boring as straight ceremonies, and soon the hearts and minds of Iowa will see that gay marriage and straight marriages can coexist in peace and harmony.
In all honesty, this is a truly historic decision. I'm not hating on California (even though the No on Prop 8 Campaign pretty much sucked in every way possible), but it really sends a message to America when the Midwest has their shit together more than California, and can make this decision with less fanfare and publicity and politicization than New England ever has. Iowa's judges stood up today for what is right, even though there is sure the be the fiery wrath of 1,000 ministers coming their way, so confused about what has happened here (maybe because they're confused about the real lessons of the Bible. Maybe those fuckers are just confused about life, which is why they feel like they have an authority to make shit up and just confuse others about life too, so they won't feel so alone.)
Congratulations to all the lovers in Iowa - the gays, the straights, the blacks, the whites, and even the hispanics. Maybe even Jews, too, not sure how I feel about them yet. Congratulations to you, lovers. Celebrate, bitches! You get to file joint income tax returns now!! Now, it won't be so hard for you to visit your love in the hospital when they're dying!! I can find a silver lining in anything, you guys!!
Iowa, I owe ya a big round of applause, really. I love ya, Iowa.
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